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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need some advice please

21 replies

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 09:02

Me and dp have been together for 4 years, when the relationship first started he was seeing someone else as well as me, i found out after about 5 months and was heartbroken. after lots of talking we got back together and everything changed from that day, he has never given me any reason to to doubt him again, he has changed completly and has said it only happened because he didn't know what he wanted and now he knows that this is what he wants it will never happen again. We have a ds who is one and since i have had him i have been so down, worrying constanly and need constant reassurance from dp that he will never hurt me etc... dp has always been patient will me and always reassures me, i deep down i know he wouldn't do any thing again, just don't know how to change the cycle of worrying, when i get really upset i have panic attacks. hope this makes sense.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:14

you sound very lacking in self esteem at the moment. to get that back is difficult. do you feel stuck in a rut? do you get any time at all to yourself to do things you want to do? are you working at the moment?

also. did your mw ever mention post natal depression?

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:16

also. did your mw ever mention post natal depression?

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 09:28

I feel very stuck in a rut, i also have bad dreams about it happening, so even if i have a good day i end up having a bad dream and feeling back at square one, my dp wants me to go out more and have time to my self but i don't because i'm scared he will want to go out too and will meet someone. i'm working full time, which is very hard when i have my bad days. i went to the doctors just after i had ds and they said it sounded like postnatal depression, i have had a few sessions of conselling which i think made things worse because i had to bring everything back up, also was put onto some pills but stopped taking them because they didn't seem to help.i did get better and don't want this to always be there, i love my dp so much and hate the feeling i get that i could lose him. thanks for your replys

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nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:31

start taking the pills again. they cant take 4-6 weeks before you notice a difference.

go out with your friends more. evne during the day

this may sound unkind, but your dp may one day get fed up of your self-pity. take the steps above in particular GO BACK TO GP AND GET PILLS (which ones were they?) and get yourself out of that rut. you are the only person who can sort this. constant reassurance from your dp obviously isnt working, and he probably knows this

good luck

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:33

that sounded really harsh, i am sorry, but i kind of felt like you, 2 years ago.

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 09:36

They were citropram or something like that, i have made an appointment with the doctor for tuesday so will start taking them again. dp is getting fed up now because nothing he says or does helps, i just don't know how to let go of the feelings i get, i know i'm the only one who can change it, just don't know how to!

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Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 09:37

i know it needs to change and know i'm the only one putting the relationship at risk, how did you change things nailpolish?

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nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:38

you must must take the pills

promise me you will take them. every day for 2 months and then see how you feel.

also go out with your friends. a saturday afternoon in the town does wonders

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:40

i ddint take any pills - maybe i should have

i went on a diet, got a social life back, got my hair cut and bought some great make up - it all led to me feeling ten times better about myself

i aso went back to work (i hadnt worked when the childrne were small - and it had led to me being bored and feeling worthless - but that doesnt relate to you obviously )

do yo ulike your job?

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:41

i ddint take any pills - maybe i should have

i went on a diet, got a social life back, got my hair cut and bought some great make up - it all led to me feeling ten times better about myself

i aso went back to work (i hadnt worked when the childrne were small - and it had led to me being bored and feeling worthless - but that doesnt relate to you obviously )

do yo ulike your job?

nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:42

sorry about multi posts!!!

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 09:54

I will take the pills, i really want to change this and will do anything so that can happen, i think last time i took them i felt stupid for having to take them so just stopped. its just always there inside me, i feel like i could just burst into tears all the time. dp says that it shouldn't still feel like this now and worry that he will get to know someone at work and i'll lose him. dp has changed so much, we both have and know that this is what he wants.i have days when i don't want to be at work and really hate it.

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nailpolish · 20/03/2008 09:58

take them but dont tell anyone. then you can change things at your own pace and wont feel lke anyone else is looking for you to get better iyswim. your dp was seeing someone else at the same time as you more than 3 and a half years ago - forget about it. that was at the start of the relationship - before the 2 of you made any real commitment, i assume?

he has a child with you - thats the biggest commitment anyone can make!

you need to do this for yourself and not for others.

have you thought of changing jobs? that may help too

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 10:19

yes it was before either of us knew what we had and had made a commitment, i just get scared he have the need to see more than just me again. i really struggling with the little things like anything to do with the town she lived in. thanks for your help.

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nappymadmummy · 20/03/2008 10:38

Go back to the doctor and tell him/her that you want to go back on the pills. Give them a go for 2 months like np says. If they're not working then, go back to your gp...you might need a bigger dose or you might need a different type. (For me fluoxetine was useless but citalopram has been great once I got the dose right)

Also try and find some things to do for yourself. Something like an evening class or a book group. You will get out of the rut but it won't happen overnight. Don't beat yourself up about having the odd down day either because that happens to everyone.

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 10:52

Thats the problem nappymadmummy, it doesn't seem to be the odd down day anymore, its every day. just wish i knew how to let go off it, some days makes me physical sick and thats not a good place to be.

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Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 11:40

Anyone else experienced this and have any advice? thanks

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nappymadmummy · 20/03/2008 11:45

When you get the pills sorted out tho it will just be an odd down day (that's what I meant, sorry it wasn't clear)

Oh and for the panic attacks try reading "Overcoming Anxiety" by Helen Kennerley. I found it really helpful.

Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 11:54

Thanks nappymadmummy

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Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 12:28

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Original poster

shorty100 · 20/03/2008 13:24

Has anyone else been here? sorry to keep posting, just got noone else to talk to other than dp and hes getting fed up of hearing it.

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