Something that has been ongoing for years but I always blame myself and wonder if I have done anything wrong! It goes round my head a lot and I come to the conclusion maybe it's me? Sorry a bit long!
I split with my dc father, it was slightly rocky at first but we would have been fine, ( we are ok no hard feelings ) though, he didn't get involved much with dc after the split. MIL stepped in and said we no longer had to communicate with eachother as the children could now see their father when they went to her for visits. I disagreed and thought that myself and ex partner should get on and make arrangements together as parents. Anyway MIL was adamant that dc would be OK and myself and their father should cut contact for good. I reluctantly agreed as long as dc was having a relationship with them all it would be OK.
She'd come round, demanding more time with kids, said I was spending too much time with child ( I felt guilty I should have given her more time) she was seeing them about once a week but it wasn't enough for her, shed keep rescheduling days , it was like our lives revolved around when she could and couldn't have dc . Demanding over night stays. Shit stirring between me an ex. She was clearly very competitive Trying to outshine me , clearly jealous , if looks could kill when I said I'd taken my child somewhere nice. She would then tell me she was taking dc to the same place her , my child and her son ( childs dad) or a place that was 'better'. Fathers day she told me not to get involved she would be getting the fathers day gift and shed had a great day with her boys , giving me an evil stare .She, sneakily uninvited me to family gatherings where me and childs father could interact. I found her controlling, telling me she would take dc for haircuts because it was cheaper where she was, in control of his wardrobe telling me what she was buying and what i wasnt to get, even insisting how i arranged dc bedroom.. Because she insisted communication would be done through her and not myself and ex she would always cancel any visit my child was supposed to have with their father. So my child would not see her father. I feel she was probably (but not sure) manipulating childs father too. I hrs a mummy's boy .i found her very manipulate and sneaky, getting what she wants whilst being all innocent!
Basically I went very LC contact with her, so child doesn't see her much anymore maybe once every month or so. But I feel guilty every day, I think maybe she just loved dc and was being kind or excited? and that's why demanding more days etc . I think it's my fault my dc doesn't see much of her now, if only I'd just sent him when she wanted? She thinks if only I'd give dc when she wants everything would be OK and she'd see her father regularly. Basically it's my fault that dc doesn't see grandma, her father and other family members because I'm not sending child whenever she wants?