Was I the bad one? Is it my fault?

[Holiday2024]

Long story short me and my partner 5 years have broken up for a month now.. limited contact due to having a 3 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant with number 2!

upon reflection (I’ve been thinking and obsessing over everything) I’ve realised the relationship was never really healthy and all the time I thought my partner was “laid back” it was most likely he just didn’t care.

he told me Xmas day that he has fallen out of love with me and hasn’t thought of the baby.. there was a few tears which I’ve never seen before from him! Hes never been one to communicate with me and I feel blindsided that he said this to be honest.

we had many little arguments and I know I was most probably unreasonable and pretty angry at times! But everything I tried to speak about was always my fault or that “he didn’t know what to say” and I guess each issue we had was never truly resolved so I became unhappy, lost myself.

im so heartbroken. I know I need to get over myself! He seems so happy and snug now. He’s not helping/mentioned the new baby at all and only sees our DC when it suits him. I’ve stopped hand overs at the moment and having my mum do it but everytime I hear him he sounds so happy and got this air about him!

He’s been going to the gym and always seems to have new clothes on! he’s not helping me money wise but hasn’t taken the car from me yet so I’m worried to go to child maintenance incase he does because I need it to get to work and nursery.

dunno what I’m getting at :-( I’m just sad. Is it my fault because I caused arguments and was angry? He’s never really been present. Everything and anything came before me and DC…again, he’s not been here for the past 6 months for the baby! (He didn’t even know my due date)

will this get better ☹️

He sounds incredibly selfish, you're better off without him. Regardless of whether you were the perfect partner or not he should still want to be there for you while you're pregnant and he should be giving you whatever you're entitled to money wise and making sure you're ok. If he's so happy now he's single it shouldn't be hard for him to check in on you and the unborn baby out of kindness and concern.

But yes it will get better :) you'll realise you're better off eventually and it will be like a new lease of life :)

Start getting angry.
He’s been an arsehole- he made you think any issues you had with him were your fault, he’s always put himself first, he dumped this on you on Xmas day? Wow what a selfish prick. this is not your fault.

It’s very likely he’s met someone else. I’m sure he’ll tire of them when he gets bored and they stop giving them all their attention.

Who’s name is the car registered in?
Could you look into getting a car on finance if you’re working?

Id advise going for child maintenance while you still know where he lives and works. You’re (potentially) missing out on thousands of pounds he owes to support his dc until they’re 18.

You are far better off without him. Any man that can disregard his children like this is not worth your time.
You deserve way better. X

You got one of those. Get yourself in the position of power. Claim maintenance, get as much help in all the aspects as you can form people around you.
Tell everyone that the relationship is over.
Things will improve for you.
Some people don't grow up only get older. He is one of them.

Categorically, no it wasn’t you. Relationships survive or fail on the ability to handle disagreements or arguments constructively, and he couldn’t.

He’s happy because he’ one of those men who realizes that having kids is actually hard work and limiting, and instead of stepping up to this, they escape by leaving ( or having affairs to escape the daily grind). So now he feels free and unlimited again, so he’s happy.

None of this was you. He’s an irresponsible, immature, selfish git who hasn’t even got enough balls to step up for his own children. He’s happy in the knowledge that you will have to do this for him, leaving him unbounded and free.

I have utter contempt for such men.

I’m so sorry OP. I’m glad you have your mum to help.

Thank you so much everyone. I have written to him about child support - currently trying to figure it out! He knows how much to pay but I’m waiting to see if he agrees… we will see!

im hurting and broken but for once in my life I feel like I have some sort of power and boundaries to put myself and kids first! I’m proud of myself as silly as that sounds.

I’m normally a push over! He’s texted a long message to me about how it didn’t have to be this way, he was the one that was crying out for help and I wasn’t the one to give him the reassurance he needs… apparently Xmas day he didn’t mean it to come across the way it did (yeah right!) playing the victim card… I just thanked him for the message and said hope he finds happiness!

again thank you, you all pushed me to do something about it and take control. Only way is up from here… x