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Original poster

DD just ..left, DH not coping.

36 replies

Citygirlypop · 25/01/2024 06:53

Hi our lovely DD met someone who has convinced her to move in and then cut all contact with her old friends and us.
we are obviously concerned and heart broken. But DH is really worrying me- he’s seeing a counselor, but is flailing around searching to somehow rebuild the relationship. He is very depressed, comes in from work and goes straight to bed, not sleeping, not coping with work. I find myself avoiding him. Help! With both of them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Citygirlypop · 24/04/2024 23:24

Thank you, I didn’t think of woman’s aid, I’ll call them .
no,she didn’t. The guidance teacher called the partners mother to question what she was up to, not me. Which felt undermining and a betrayal. He said he just thought that’s where she was staying.

OP posts:
Bustelo · 24/04/2024 23:44

Our DD is in a similar situation, she left home at 17 to live with him and his family, things went from bad to worse for us. She moved back in at 18 and we put her through Uni but all along the signs were there… The phone calls at stupid hours, her crying in her room, the days out her and I had planned only to be cancelled at the last moment as he’d planned something else, the list is endless and we really really tried to keep him close if only to keep a close eye and a relationship with her. Fast forward 9 years and HE bought a house but wanted her deposit from her inheritance, we refused as she wasn’t to inherit until she was 30. He didn’t want her on the mortgage but wanted £35k as a deposit from her “to seal their relationship”, she gave him her £10k savings. We never gave the inheritance from her grandad. Then came the day out for her to choose an engagement ring. She called me super excited about it all, only for two weeks later for him to tell her he’ll never marry her or have children with her. She asked for my advice and yes I told her he was controlling and that I was worried about her. It’s been 3 years since we heard from her, she’s in a really good job and he’s decided to “coast” in his career.

I keep telling myself I gave her wings to fly. I brought up an independent woman but here we are, she’s in a coercively controlling relationship and there’s nothing I can do about it except wait and hopefully one day she’ll find the strength to leave. You’re not alone Flowers

AGlinnerOfHope · 25/04/2024 06:49

Ah gosh, that’s awful.
I’m sorry.

Original poster
Citygirlypop · 25/04/2024 07:00

Oh bustelo I’m so sorry, what an awful, awful thing to have to go through.
Thank you for posting.
hugs , and. 💐 back x

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mindutopia · 25/04/2024 10:16

Are you in touch with any of her friends at all who she still trusts? Is she still in touch with her friends? My situation is the opposite. I'm the daughter and I lost my mum to an unhealthy relationship. While we are completely NC now and I don't wish to ever have a relationship with her again (I've accepted that she's too far gone now), what has been helpful was knowing that she still has a few friends that she still keeps in touch with. Through them I've been able to check that she is alright and healthy and frankly still alive (!!). They care about her and are worried about her too, so have been helpful in just passing on updates to me as and when appropriate.

Pinkbonbon · 25/04/2024 10:44

Is he the same age as her?
If he was older you could put in a claires law request on her behalf and the police can check him out and inform her if he has a past of violence towards women. Though if he's 18 I suppose there may not be a history yet.

I would send birthday and Christmas cards, always. Yes he might twist it but, when she is ready to leave him, she'll at least hope that he was wrong and that you might be there for her if she needs somewhere to go.

Igmum · 25/04/2024 12:57

So sorry to hear of this. Sending love and hugs

IAmRunningOutOfUsernames · 25/04/2024 13:41

ManaFromHeaven · 25/01/2024 10:06

Massive drip-feed you haven't shared, if you are who I think you are.

Someone has posted this exact story across FWR and LGBT Children over the past year - DD has met someone and been isolated by them, has moved out and cut contact.

What you aren't saying is that your DD told you they're trans, your DH reacted terribly and your child has cut contact and moved in with their partner so they can be themselves.

As everyone always tell you - you have a (borderline abusive) DH problem, nothing else, and your child has said as much.

@Citygirlypop Is this post true? I’m confused as you have not confirmed it, but you’ve not denied it either. If it is true, it puts a slightly different spin on it. If it’s not true, then get it deleted.

IllegalMNDataScrapers · 25/04/2024 13:49

Do you know where she works at least? He can’t camp outside her office indefinitely.

Original poster
Citygirlypop · 26/04/2024 07:30

I ignored it as it’s not true, and it seemed unnecessarily aggressive as if the poster was delighted to be some sort of detective, and start a mums net pile on. Can’t cope with that at the mo. I’m sure I’ll have read it wrongly.
dont know where she works now, no.

OP posts:
Original poster
Citygirlypop · 26/04/2024 07:31

Thanks, did put in a Claire’s law for the father as well.

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