Ex broke no contact. Think he's just easing his guilt

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

Hi all,

Have now gone a few weeks of no contact with ex. He was a pretty selfish partner and despite being 40 I felt I was telling him how he should and shouldn't act while with me. He would blame his childhood etc but I decided to stop having him play the victim and I ended it. I had to go no contact because I kept being dragged back in. He has now sent a message and I'm coming on here rather than be tempted to reply. I'm paraphrasing but the message read similar to this....

"I’m just checking in again. I’m not sure if it’s you or me who isn’t staying in touch, but if it’s you, and it’s on purpose then I understand. I just want to make sure you’re doing ok is all. You’re on my mind a lot and just trying to understand what’s happening and what is next"

I suspect he's trying to ease his guilt/is feeling lonely. I don't think he ever expected I would actually go no contact.

You have definitely done the right thing by coming on here, rather than replying to him. Ignore ignore ignore

Here for you. Ignore!

You know he wants a response, reel you back into a conversation which will in the least take up head space . You know you are worth more. Ignore ignore ignore (ska block)

I had to go no contact because I kept being dragged back in.

Yep. And here he is again trying to drag you back in. Why is he not blocked so he can't contact you?

I suspect you partly wanted this thread to be able to analyse his feelings and motivations - which is another form of him reeling you back in. It means you're focusing on him and not on yourself and what's best for you. The more you think about him, the more likely you are to succumb to temptation and contact him.

I suggest you use the thread to focus on:

• practical steps to reduce the possibility of contact
• practical steps to distract yourself and get over the relationship.

Why not block him?

His Mum has been on and off very sick so I felt terrible at the idea of blocking (I know this could also be seen as a way to reel me back in though). I've never actually blocked anyone so the idea never seemed right to me but I assume once I don't reply to this he will have no leg to stand on to come back again

As I'm currently tempted to reply to him and ask him does he finally understand how he made me feel, I will post here instead 🌸

Keep strong. You’d be so angry with yourself if you respond.

As PP have said, use the block button.

Use the block button because his messages aren’t helpful and will be setting you back each time.

Don’t reply, block him! He is just trying to pull you back in. The blocking thing can be a huge relief!!

"I’m just checking in again. I’m not sure if it’s you or me who isn’t staying in touch"

^^ He knows full well op, block him so you can fully move on.

Unless you have kids with him just block him. He's a twat playing games.

Stay strong 💪 I would block him if I were you. He is trying to “drag you back in”

So you're looking for validation from him. Why do you need him to tell you that he understands? What use does his understanding have, for you? What will it do for you?

Being honest, he was pretty dismissive of my feelings during our last argument that led to ending it so it's as if it knocked my self esteem/made me doubt myself.

I think I'm just in the adjustment phase of still missing him

Why does your self esteem get knocked by his esteem of you? Who is he? The boss? What you think of you trumps what he thinks of you, doesn't it?

Ignore. His ego is demanding you respond, confirming you’re sad, he has hurt you, you miss him bc he meant so much to you.

Ignore and he will remain in a state of uncertainty. It’s what he deserves.

Stay strong!