Feel a bit naive and inadequate about my past

[Isitmeorsomething]

My partner and I come from very different backgrounds. I haven't experienced the things he has. Amongst this is his sexual past. He has had quite the life, been with many women etc. I've only been with three men in relationships and only a handful more sexually intimate with. I'm starting to really doubt myself over it. I feel quite naive and weird that I've not been with loads of men. I don't have loads of stories about my past. I just feel inadequate really. It's a strange feeling. Like I'm not good enough. I'm 40 for context.

Is it that you feel you lack confidence in the bedroom? Or do you regret not having more "fun" when you were younger?

If its the former, you could try talking to him about what he likes, and what you'd like him to do.

I'd be questioning first why it is your OH was with so many women and what lies got hin into their bed.
Then I'd be questioning why he told you about them all.

is he trying to undermine your confidence?
Is he trying to make himself sound like he's got a golden cock and you're lucky to have him?

Because context is important and it could point toward him being an abusive shit weasel that is doing it on purpose to keep you off balance.

Get rid.

If anything, you should be concerned that he isn't good enough, I'd be wary about a man confessing he's had many lovers, this would signal player alert.
Is he trying to belittle you in some way for not having the 'experience' he has? or is this coming from your own insecurities

And whom do you want to tell these stories to ?
just curious

I don't want to tell anyone about my past "stories". I guess I just feel a bit naive and boring. I haven't had a wild and wonderful past and feel like I come across conservative. It is definitely my own insecurities that I'm just not some party girl and I can't offer anything else as it isn't me.

Why would this point to being abusive? Am I missing something?

I don't regret my past it has made me the person I am. I just hope I'm not viewed as some sadsack.

I’ve slept with two men, and I married both of them.

So there you are, you’re ahead of me 😂

He has had quite the life, been with many women

This is not an unqualified positive, op.

Same, but I only married one. So that's two people less partnered than you, OP.

So had my ex. And even I, with him being only the second man I'd slept with, could tell.

Any man can satisfy a hundred women once. Can he satisfy one woman a hundred times?

Well I was a big party girl and raver yet I’ve slept with 4 men. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I’m 55 and still go out to raves and festivals - and don’t pull anyone 🤣

He's very generous and not selfish at all.

We seem to want the same things in life but I just feel like he's got this world experience and I haven't even left the village I was born in (obviously I have!).

Why would he tell you how many people he’s slept with? Bit odd.

Also does it matter? Quality not quantity.

Does he talk about it a lot or something?

I have had sex with two men, one my Italian boyfriend and the second my American husband and we have been married over 20+ years. I am very happy and don't feel I have missed out on anything!

Everything is relative, I don't personally feel the number of people you have had sex with has any bearing on whether you are an interesting person or have had a full life.

Women who have had more partners would be sat in your shoes judging themselves and wondering how to come across as not too slutty.

I prescribe watching the monologue in the Barbie movie. Society tells the narrative that we are too much, too little, too inexperienced, too wild... and it is our job to remember that this is bullshit. You're perfect the way you are.

I don't have a figure of how many. I've never asked. I haven't divulged mine either. I don't actually care. It could be 1 or 100. It's not reflective of our relationship as such. But it is the fact so many stories of the past seem to throw up another new girlfriend. I feel a bit ridiculous with my three. I'm not judging but I do feel inadequate or like a leper (dramatic much!).

I genuinely lost count of the amount of people I slept with. A combination of mental health issues and low self esteem means that it's definitely into the hundreds.

I'd never tell a partner that but have been open and honest about the fact that I've made some very bad decisions in my past. However, I would give anything to have my time over again and not have to even allude to having been like that.

So I guess, in a nutshell, I'd love to be more like you!

Just remember @Isitmeorsomething most men are full of shit when it comes to their magic number! Men exaggerate and bullshit. Conversely women play it down. So a man who has had 8 women/shagged 8 women will say he has had 15-20, some may even say 25-30. Or more! A woman who has had say, 20 men, will say she has only had about 5 to 8 men.

I had an ex who used to brag that he had had about 15 girlfriends - ranging from 3 weeks to 3 months - and had fucked another 40 or so on top of that. Every time I went to the loo when we were in a bar or club, when I came back he would say 'you just missed this woman, asking me if I want to go home with her for a fuck.' And every time he came home from a night out with 4 or 5 mates, he would regale me with tales of all the women that came onto him, offering him a fuck. All his mates would say 'how do you do it mate?' he would say 'just got it ain't I?'

He made stuff up (I believe) because everywhere we went, men whistled at, and catcalled me, and said 'hey blondie, how are ya?' Even in front of him. Even on the night we met, 3 or 4 other men were chatting me up, so I believe he was massively insecure. And jealous of the attention I got. He used to neg me too, to try and put me down/keep me in my place.

Upshot was, he was full of shit, and after a few months I realised it. Women were NOT hitting on him, and like fuck had he shagged over 50 women! 😆 (We were both early 20s btw!)

Your DP is a lying shit OP. Fact. By their very nature, all men are liars. Some just lie a bit more than others.

Don’t feel inferior. It would put me off if he kept talking about all his various girlfriends.

But it is the fact so many stories of the past seem to throw up another new girlfriend

That would concern me and make me wonder why. Have you pointed this out? he might not even realise he's doing it. I can think of a few reasons

That he's relaxed about sharing good memories (they are good memories, aren't they?) shows he's relaxed with you to let you in on them.

He might be doing it to make you feel inadequate.

You're feeling inadequate already and you notice the number of times he mentions former GF because of that.

I'd be really put off a grown man who keeps bringing up girlfriends, and in a way that lets you know he slept with them. That's something 16 year old boys do (and they're lying).

Sleeping with a lot of women isn't an achievement, or something to admire or aspire to.

It doesn't make him more interesting than you.

It doesn't make you 'less than' because you've not slept with a lot of men. And it's unusual that a grown woman thinks that the 'magic number' is important or even relevant. Seriously, I thought people stopped wven thinking about that when they past about 20.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain I think this is more the case to be honest. Sharing good memories and out there anecdotes of his life. He'd think it's ridiculous that I feel this way but I'm not sure he'd get why. We are from very different backgrounds and according to him different classes. I wouldn't even know what class to put myself in. It's not something I think about.

@perfectcolourfound I haven't got past 20 haha. Like I've said I don't actually care about numbers. It's not something I value. I do care about whether I'm good enough and for some reason, which I haven't figured out yet, I feel lacking. I appreciate it is my own insecurities and I wish I knew why. I want to feel confident.

I wonder if you feel insecure because he has a lot of nice stories about his past with someone but not enough with you.

I’d personally prefer my boyfriend to focus more on our current and future life, not that I’d be against past at all but it’s in the past.
I don’t think you are boring by the way, your boyfriend sounds a bit insecure - it’s like he always needed adoring girlfriend near by to prove his worth.