Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you do?

22 replies

Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:17

I am new here and just looking for other peoples opinions. Been with my husband 5 years married for 3. Fell pregnant 3Months after meeting and he cheated on me several times. We decided to make it work and he doesn’t go out or anything now. I keep telling him to meet friends but truth is he doesn’t really have any. He has issues whenever I go out even if just to a mates house or work night out. He drives my car but anyone would think it’s his as I have to work around him. He is always putting me down and never has nothing nice to say. He’s been helping a little more around house since Christmas but I know about it as he will throw it in my face. He’s self employed and I work part time (decent pay) I pay everything in the house but he likes to try and do treat days (throws in my face). He has a son and daughter from previous relationship (same as me) then one together. I pick kids up and drop them off, I cook for them yet I don’t do anything for his kids. His mum is really good and helps with our son whenever I need it and also treats my kids like her own grandkids. My family are there if I need them but I have to ask his mum always offers. He’s constantly calling my family. Even down to my kids (16/12) they wash pots and he picks faults yet his kids do nothing at all when they come to ours (4 days one week, 2 days next). Our child is 4 and still in our bedroom as my sons bedroom is set up for his 2 children like they live with us full time. I feel so unappreciated, I feel he’s jealous of me trying to progress within work. He’s said he’s leaving several times but goes no where I feel like a single mum.
sorry for the rant and I don’t really know what I’m expecting but needed to let it out to people who don’t know me to get opinione

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 23/01/2024 22:22

He sounds like he doesn't have a single redeeming feature, other than that he happens to have been birthed by a lovely woman! I can't help but feel that you'd be happier without him.

Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:26

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Everyone around me says I would be better off on my own as I do it all alone anyway (which I do). If he was to leave I’d be upset but I know I could cope and be happier, problem is he is very immature and he won’t leave at all. His mum has a spare room as well as his sister so he has options: I can’t leave as I have no where to go with 3 kids. He won’t talk face to face only on. WhatsApp then blocks me or I say something he doesn’t like

OP posts:
Garlicnaan · 23/01/2024 22:28

I didn't understand some of your post but from the bits I did, he sounds absolutely awful.

So just to be clear, he:

Cheated on you repeatedly
Hates you going out and makes it difficult for you
Doesn't pay for anything
Controls when you can drive your own car
Puts you down constantly
Is jealous of you doing well at work
Threatens to leave constantly
Prioritises his DC from a previous relationship over his DC with you
Gets you to do the shit work for his kids then complains you don't do anything for them

Just look at that list.

Any ONE of those is a HUGE red flag that would be enough to end a relationship.

You deserve better and so do your DC.

Garlicnaan · 23/01/2024 22:29

Who owns the house?

Garlicnaan · 23/01/2024 22:29

He really is immature isn't he.

Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:31

When you put it in a list like that it really did hit home. The car situation for example I’m on a training course next week with work and I have had to ask my colleague to pick me up as he has taken a job on in which he expects to use my car to get there and back

OP posts:
Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:33

He really is. I think half of it is he’s scared karma going to get him and I’m going to do things he’s done to me back to him.(I’m not). Just not sure how I can move forwards

OP posts:
Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:34

Both of our names are on the tenancy it is private property

OP posts:
DNLove · 23/01/2024 22:36

My only thought is why? Why are you with him? What did he add to your life?
You and your children are worth far more than this waste of space.

SamW98 · 23/01/2024 22:39

Sorry OP but he sounds absolutely appalling. Why on earth are you in a relationship with someone who treats you so badly? Is this really the male influence you want your children having in their lives?

You know the answer - please start taking the steps

Charchar07 · 23/01/2024 22:41

I often ask myself this same question: his family are great help which I think would change if we were to split. Not that I need their help but nice to have a bit of help sometimes. He will not leave and if I say for him to go he then is nice again. I’m going out to a friends house Saturday and I know he will start messaging abuse. In 2 weeks I’m out with work girls again he will come home with vile messages. Yet I am the one who tells him to go out as not healthy being in all time d

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 23/01/2024 22:45

He sounds a charmer. What does he bring to your life?

he hates you going out and gives you abuse if you do go out, has full use of your car leaving you to make other arrangements, has cheated on you, does nothing for his kids, doesn’t pay any bills!

this is not a loving partner and you do deserve better.

WagWoofWalkMeeoow · 23/01/2024 22:47

You need to pull up those Big Girl Pants to wedgie level & get him OUT.

take YOUR car to the training course, he'll have to figure something else out.

Does his Mum know all of this?

can you show her some of the messages.

it would be good to have her support to get him to move to his sisters.

he's going to have to be the one to move (he can't afford the rent).

It's not going to be easy, but it'll be great once it's sorted. Every day you stay it's horrible for you & damaging for your kids.

be strong, you can do this!!

Channellingsophistication · 23/01/2024 23:05

He sounds vile. He is not a loving caring partner which he should be.

Why does his need for your car trump your own?

WhatShallIDoToday · 24/01/2024 07:14

I agree with the others.

"I need my car next week."

Start with that.

Bookworm20 · 24/01/2024 09:55

How much easier would your life be without him in it?
How much happier would you be, being able to do your own thing and not be bombarded with abuse for doing absolutely nothing wrong?
The only thing really that may be harder is his mum may not help out as much.
But imagine how amazing it would feel to just be able to breathe in your own home, with your lovely dc and do the things you want to do. And use your car when you want to use it! And not have to do everything for some man and his dc who help with nothing?

I bet you'd be way better off financially too.
Plus he would have to have your 4yo every so often and your others are old enough to be home for a few hours while you have an evening out every so often. An evening where you are not made to feel like shit during and after it.

He honestly sounds horrible. What does he do to make you happy? Anything?
What does he do to make your life easier? What does he do to make you feel loved?

Charchar07 · 24/01/2024 19:59

Thank you everyone for your comments. I do need to make some big decisions. Not sure how i am going to get him to leave the house but i know it needs to happen now

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 25/01/2024 09:34

OP sorry if l've missed this but whose house is it? If it's in your name then just tell him to go. You say he has somewhere to stay, his mums or his sisters, so there is no problem there. You can't go on like this, he sounds vile and utterly selfish.

Grimchmas · 25/01/2024 09:41

Why would you want this for yourself?

DustyLee123 · 25/01/2024 09:44

Speak to whoever runs the company and see if they would take his name off

DNLove · 25/01/2024 10:00

What are the terms of your tenancy? Can you give notice on it and find somewhere new nearby and start a fresh without him. No asking him to leave the house. That's the landlords problem then.

Charchar07 · 26/01/2024 07:09

It is council so I wouldn’t be able to give it up to go to elsewhere

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page