Can’t understand her behaviour. I feel so sad.

[Istheregoldattheendoftherainbow]

Sorry I’ve posted about this before so sorry if you’re re-reading it’s just getting worse and worse for me.

long story short without drip feeding: I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18 with a family friend who was 33. He abused me in every single way and it was kept a secret until I couldn’t take anymore and the police had to get involved to get him away from me.

I’ve been looking over my shoulder for the past 4 years - wouldn’t go into town, wouldn’t post on social media etc etc because I was terrified of him.

a family member started working for this man whilst he was on bail and it was kept a secret from me until I drove to my granny’s house (my safe place) and my abuser’s personalised vehicle was there. I took a massive panic attack and went home.

i cut this family member off as it transpired he had daily contact with my abuser.

a few months ago, my abuser died. I can’t lie - I was so relieved. I have gone back into town, I can post on social media, I can not hide my car in car parks etc because he’s gone.

my aunt (as I said he was a close friend of the family) had a crush on him when she was 14 and hinted she was going to the funeral. I rang her and said he sexually abused me in the worst way possible. She is religious and believes in forgiveness and said she was going to the funeral and wake anyway. This broke me.

now this is the heartbreaker for me - my granny and I have always been so close. She practically raised me and she’s one or the most important people in my life. She’s stopped coming to see me, she’s vaguely texting, she’s siding with my aunt and I’m so broken. I have absolutely no right to tell my aunt to go or not to go but I do have a right to step back from her which is what I’ve done.

thank you if you’re still reading. Don’t really know what I want out of this. A handhold? Advice? It’s my wedding party in a few months and the idea of my granny not being there is breaking me but I’m so sick of justifying what I went through

Try speaking to your granny and explaining how you feel about her and how much it’s hurting you xx

Oh lord that is awful. I can’t imagine staying friends or even being polite to someone who had abused a young woman in my family like that.sadly it isn’t rare for people to turn their heads from abuse.

I agree with the above. Share your feeling with your nan. But do make sure to take care of yourself. Sometimes it is better not to see people than to allow them to treat you poorly.

I think they think it was a relationship gone wrong. I wish it was. The man had 16 charges against him from me alone. I think the word narcissist is thrown around too easily but I promise this man was textbook and then some. He nearly destroyed me. I took an overdose over the head of it and the family are saying they can’t remember that when my gran literally stayed right by my side the next day after I was discharged. I just miss my gran so much.

Wow. It sounds like they have mentally blocked it all out. Sometimes trauma can do funny things to people. I think evolutionary people are programmed to “forget” traumatic things so they can move on with their lives. Sadly they have forgotten the horrific things you have been through. Maybe you should remind them….

Awful situation for you, really hurtful. Not sure I could be around anyone who thought so little about my feelings. I hope you are able to find a way through it. He maybe dead but that doesn't wipe the slate clean, shitty behavior by aunt and gran. Stick to those who support you at your wedding party, you shouldn't have to be justifying yourself after what you went through. X