Being forced to agree to something relating to your child's contact with her father

[Bossiellio]

Ex only has supervised contact in a contact centre.
We have agreed to move contact into the community with supervision by a third party so that this is a more natural setting for DD.
The issue is, we aren't agreeing on who that should be.
I put forward many suggestion from both sides maternal and paternal. We agreed on a paternal younger sibling. It since transpires he has not even asked the paternal sibling if they are available because he has lied about having a good relationship with them when this is not the case. I was told this directly by the sibling.
Ex is now trying to put forward an older sibling that I absolutely do not agree to. This sibling I do not know at all, I have no trust in them, have never met them and neither have our shared child. I have significant concerns they wouldn't be able to stop him if he's behaving badly just based on their temperament.
I am getting a lot of pressure by solicitors to agree to this sibling and I am not backing down.
I am of the view I also need to trust this person to hand over our child to them for the duration of contact, they need to be able to contact me in the event of an emergency and I cannot give them my telephone number because the father will obtain this - he's already had restraining orders for harassment against him.
I don't know what the court will think of this but my view is that we BOTH agreed to the use of the younger sibling to supervise the contact. No case was raised within court for the older sibling. In addition, the court order states the third party does need to be mutually agreed.
Where do I stand with this?
I feel bullied but I won't back down

Hi @AttilaTheMeerkat thank you for the new thread. Hope your aunt continues to improve x

Sorry op wrong thread

If he can't find someone you both agree to then it stays in the contact centre, they don't order supervision lightly.

Contact will stay in the contact centre.

Can can also pay privately for someone to supervise contact. Look for your local "if they're is one" family assessment centre.
Saying that, it's costly.
You could see if one of the staff from the contact centre would be willing to supervise it? It a local child minder?

So the court can't force me to agree?

No they can’t.

I would put in writing that you have happy to continue in a contact centre, that you are happy to appoint someone (and make sure these are your people not his siblings!!), or pay an independent third partner.

Court hate contact centres though -

Keep copies of texts where you offered many suitable people and him saying no to them

Im just so worried ill look bad if I don't agree but I don't agree. This sibling is unknown to us both.

I guess the court can order it without your consent, but there really wouldn't be any point. You would send your child feeling nervous and that wouldn't be in the best interest of the child.
The courts would want to see that you are offering contact and options for the supervisor. I think as long as you have good reasons not to want that person that that's ok.
I've had a similar experience (I've also facilitated contact in a professional setting through my job). My best advise would be to choose someone who isn't too emotionally involved, someone who will put your child first. I chose a friend of mine, my kids know her and I know she would act in my children's best interests. I also know she wouldn't flap if the situation became difficult (which it did).

But what if there is no suitable person?

Apologies in advance I don’t know how the actual decisions are made
But could you suggest person 1, person 2, person 3, 4 and 5 if possible - all people you trust and your child knows. Present this in writing to the court / solicitor. Stating against each person why they are suitable — known to dc, calm, non judgemental, have dc best interests at heart, every positive you can think of.
At the end list ex’s suggestions which won’t have as many positives.
This way you’re looking like the reasonable, caring, parent doing the best for your child.

Hope this works out for the best for you and your dc.

No friends or family who are suitable?
You could look for a child minder or some other professional. But then your going to start occurring costs, and then the question of who pays comes up!
If there is no one and you carn't afford to pay for anyone or he won't pay for anyone, I'm guessing it will have to stay in a contact centre. But I know this is normally seen as a short term solution.

I've put forward some maternal family members and hes refused them all.

I guess he's going to? He would rather someone from his side of the family. Is there anyone a bit more mutual, eg a friend?

So he can refuse all your side but you can't refuse all his side?

He's not looking for compromise, he's looking for control.

I've asked my solicitor to send a response to say that my maternal family member is ready to go from the next contact session and can supervise as per the requirements of the order. In doing so, contact can go ahead. He's not backing down.
My maternal family member has a good relationship with our child and they feel v safe with him.