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Trigger warning for death etc. Where do we go from here?

6 replies

dlhsp · 23/01/2024 13:17

Two years ago my Grandad was diagnosed with terminal lung and bone cancer. They gave him two years to live, He passed away a year ago and it was horrific. Everything seemed to go wrong, He was released from hospital and sent home, He died the next day and it took them 19 hours to send a doctor to certify him dead, We all sat with him until they arrived.

Prior to dying he should have had people coming out to give him pain relief and nobody came, they just never showed up despite us repeatedly calling and them just missing appointments etc (will never forgive them for that) so he passed away in so much pain, He suffered terribly. Two months after he died two nurses showed up to my nans house saying they were there to see how my Grandad was getting on. A week after that someone else showed up to drop off some medical equipment for him.

They then got his name and date of death wrong at his funeral and even got it wrong on his box of ashes when we got them back, They gave him two autopsies that he never wanted as they classed his death as suspicious because he died at home after being released from the hospital, It was all a nightmare. They called three times with a different cause of death, so I had to call my mum to tell her how he died, then they called back and changed it, and so on..

Two years on I just found out yesterday that my nan has been diagnosed with the exact same thing, Lung and bone cancer but instead of the two years they gave my Grandad they have said she has months if that. They are sending her home today to pass away basically, She would like to die at home if at all possible.

I don't want her to suffer like my Grandad did. How do we make sure everything goes right this time? as in people coming out to give her pain relief etc?

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 23/01/2024 13:19

I’m so sorry for all the distress you experienced and for the shock you have had with her diagnosis.

I’d suggest speaking to the local hospice, to cancer charity help lines, and explain that having had an awful experience you need help to be sure this is different.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/01/2024 13:20

They will signpost where support is locally, and how to make sure you access it. Different regions have different systems.

Opentooffers · 23/01/2024 13:35

Before going home, if you are her NOK and her main family support you should of been fully included in all discussions of discharge planning from hospital. She will be under the palliative care team and McMillain nurses.
If your mother or father are her NOK, you should ask them what the situation is and hopefully they will openly tell you about the support in place.
It sounds like either the discharge paperwork was botched, causing a situation where coroners were unnecessarily involved, or he left before advised to so things had not been put in place - sometimes people can be too keen to get home. Also time wise, it sounds like what happened to your Grandad was during covid lockdown so that could of been a factor - regardless, none of that should of happened.
Talk to your parents if they are NOK, hopefully they will be able to reassure you that there is better support in place this time. They should have all contact numbers they need.

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 23/01/2024 14:28

When dad was diagnosed with his cancer in 2020 he had a team of Rapid Response nurses come in every day until Macmillan took over. The RRT organised everything and were there to put his morphine pump in and after dad died 6 weeks later we just had to call 111 and the RRT came within 2 hours to remove his pump and do all the paperwork which was then sent to the GP to formalise the cause of death. Is there anything similar where you are OP?

What happened to your Granddad was beyond awful and there should be no excuse for that. I would contact PALs and make them aware of you very valid concerns this time.

MyStickIsBetterThanBacon · 23/01/2024 18:44

I am so sorry that you have been through this with your grandfather.
I lost both my parents to cancer and the only redeeming factor in that was the wonderful resources available to us through the Sue Ryder palliative care charity.

Our Sue Ryder facility has the ability to self refer through its website. Look what's available to you in your region, maybe Sue Ryder, Macmillon or Marie Curie.

Sending love, it's just so tough. X

Roselilly36 · 23/01/2024 18:50

I am so sorry OP, I had someone I loved very, very much die of the same cancers, totally and utterly heartbreaking. Hopefully the macmillian nurse/hospice at home service will be on hand to come in and help your Nan. Sending you love and strength OP Flowers

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