Pressuring me to file for divorce but now is ignoring it!

[userzH]

Has this happened to anyone? What would be the next steps?

My ex husband is a narcissist. I realise this is a term thrown about so much these days but I've had so much support from therapy, dv charities , the police etc who have all said he is very narcissistic.

Our marriage ended the end of October after I called the police.

He was then straight into a new relationship and it was put on social media etc straight away.

He then asked me to file for divorce. I did using a solicitor as I am entitled to legal aid. I have done all my parts for this as requested. My solicitor has written to him asking him to complete some forms in order to get a 'clean break order' and to get him to state his wishes for the divorce. He had 2 weeks to do this. He hasn't.

3 weeks ago he was texting me to ask me to hurry it along 🙄

Also as he doesn't pay maintenance (he did but it was never regular and then stopped it altogether) I went to cms. They have worked out the payments and contacted him but he still hasn't paid. Tomorrow I need to mark it as a missed payment with cms.

All his post goes to his mums - this is what he wanted. He now lives with his new girlfriend/victim. I have an idea of where she lives but not an exact address.

Can anyone help me understand why this is? It feels like control still. However he also has a habit of doing things and then regrets it after - he throws a tantrum and then realises he didn't mean it. But this time it's all too late. I'm not saying he wants to get back together with me but I don't even know if it wants a divorce....yet he's with someone else now....yet he had no where to live 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have a child together which he sees 1 day every other weekend. It's all I will allow right now due to the abuse. He never rings, FaceTimes or texts to ask how he is inbetween visits. We are pretty much no contact - which is great as previously he was border lining on harassment!

I do wonder if the silence means he is planning something. He's in a lot of debt so I can't imagine it but I do know he recently sold his van. I'm a panicky slightly that he might be taking me to court for something...though I'm not sure what. Possibly child arrangements...yet I don't think he is really that interested in ds at all.

The whole thing is stressing me out....and that's probably the answer! He knows me well enough. He's just trying to spite me I think.

I've been supporting a close friend who's divorcing her (very) narcissistic husband. It would take too long to detail the merry dance he's led her on since she instigated the divorce, but the bottom line is they thrive on controlling others - not just their partners, but just about everyone they come into contact with; never be fooled by their apparent charm and never believe a word they say.

In my friend's case, all attempts at negotiation have failed and he's been dragging his feet, leaving his solicitor without instructions; it's obvious he's enjoying playing games. My friend's solicitor has now advised her the only way forward is through the courts in order to give structure to the proceedings and today she has a meeting with a mediator to obtain a MIAM certificate in order to allow her solicitor to instigate the court process.

If your husband is a textbook narcissist (and from what you've said, he is), you will need to stop trying to second-guess his motives, refuse to get into arguments or discussions with him, and let CMS deal with the maintenance. You must be the one to drive the divorce, otherwise he's just going to keep playing with you. Narcissists thrive on the chaos and confusion they create - and they must win (in their mind at least).

You really have no other choice if you want to maintain your sanity and regain control of your life.

My ex was like this. Wanted to separate, but when presented with paperwork dragged his heels over signing it. It's more common than you might think.

Does he even have a solicitor?
It looks like it's down to you to drive the divorce forwards. That text he sent you may have just been a show for his GF who may have been pushing him for divorce. A placation to make out to her he's on it, when really he isn't. He probably claims to her that you're dragging your feet, when it's him.
If he's got debts, the sooner you disentangle from him the better, so just do what you can your end. If his GF ever contacts you directly over it, tell her the score.

No not as far as I'm aware. He's absolutely useless at everything and I did all the life admin while we were together. He would have had me going to see the doctor for him if he could. The letter he got states he doesn't even need a solicitor - he can just do his part online for the divorce. For the financial side, he just needed to fill out a form and send it back to them. He hasn't.

The new gf has blocked me on Facebook I've been told. And I did so a quick search and I can't find her so I'm guessing she has - they are very public on Facebook apparently. No idea why she's blocked me as I've never spoken to her in my life. I think it speaks volumes that she has though I can't figure out why. I am half expecting her to contact me somehow though. I have a file in my phone saved full of evidence of what he can be like. However I would need to be careful with what I say. I don't even want to fall out with anyone, just get on with it and move on!

The whole reason I used a solicitor was to not speak to him at all which he absolutely hates. He just wanted a quick online divorce but that doesn't sort the financial side. And we have absolutely nothing to sort! Thankfully no mortgage. Savings were already split and I'm not linked to him financially in anyway - that I'm aware of. The whole process should be easy!

I can imagine it is more common. Just very confusing - constant mind games!