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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner is still on Tinder after confronting him

58 replies

Irakotka · 23/01/2024 12:35

Hello, I’ve found out my partner had the Tinder app on his phone. The first time I saw the logo I thought it was my paranoia but after seeing the app open on another day from far I started thinking and thinking. So I created a fake account to check if he really had the app downloaded before confronting him as I didn’t want to be a paranoic in case it was another app. And there he was. I told him I saw he has downloaded Tinder, etc. He was giving me the silent treatment / gashlighting. We meet to talk after a week or so. We kinda got back together, he said I should change somethings that’s why he downloaded Tinder. But I kept saying that is not a good example as I might not be the best girlfriend but I didn’t download Tinder or search for other man. I think he has some kind of narcissist behaviours sometimes, he has also treated me like a bag of trash sometimes. And not sure how I became so addicted to him. He is 37, weed addict as he smokes everyday since we have been in the relationship for about 4 years. I’m always the one who worries, to keep the fridge full, etc. To clean because he is quite dirty… As he is very mean and would only get the necessary things. Could be on pizza or kebabs everyday. Even once he got very angry because he forgot his weed at home and couldn’t smoke on his work break and made me bring the weed to him. I was on my way to were we supposed to meet and I had my phone on silence or vibration on my bag so I couldn’t see if someone was calling me. He called me so many times and messaged while I was on the way to bring his weed. Anyway. Going back to the Tinder point. I can see that he didn’t delete it yet, and yes I checked it with my fake account and see that he has been active again. Should I just walk away without saying anything? Should I be with him until he finds someone and dumps me? Should I be with him and pretend nothing happened? I’m 35 and I feel like I need a real man by my side. And after this Tinder events, I cannot tell him everyday about this. And everytime I try to explain my feelings or emotions is like I’m looking for an argument… thanks in advance

OP posts:
TheGreatGherkin · 23/01/2024 13:24

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diamondpony80 · 23/01/2024 13:25

I can't even imagine why you are with this "man". Surely you can see that you'd be far better off single than settling for this kind of shit in your life?

BattyOwl · 23/01/2024 13:25

Don't be silly now

SamW98 · 23/01/2024 13:26

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I’m starting to think that about a lot of the posts on here recently. It’s like a competition as to who puts up with the most shit just to have any old man.

PossumintheHouse · 23/01/2024 13:30

Sounds sexy. 😳

(Dump him.)

FreyafromLondon · 23/01/2024 13:31

He would make my vagina close up with the Ick. How can you be with somebody that treats you like that? Honestly OP up your standards in the nicest possible way

MariaVT65 · 23/01/2024 13:36

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Also thinking this tbh

CandyLeBonBon · 23/01/2024 13:38

Pick your bar up off the floor and walk away fgs

hobbledyhoy · 23/01/2024 13:38

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Agreed, nobody can be this daft surely.

Irakotka · 23/01/2024 13:41

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MyopicBunny · 23/01/2024 13:45

This isn't going to get any better, believe me and he's 37.

He smokes weed (loser) and blames you for why he's on Tinder.

He is no good.

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 23/01/2024 13:45

This relationship isn’t going anywhere. I didn’t read past the part that he is addicted to weed. He doesn’t care about you or your feelings. He is using you and probably cheating on you on tinder.

You need to leave him and block him and move on and get an STI test. He is a waste of space. Please do some work on your boundaries and self esteem.

Bananalanacake · 23/01/2024 13:46

Does he pay towards rent and bills.
Whose name is on the tenancy or mortgage?
You do not have to waste your life with a druggie/man who doesn't love you.

MariaVT65 · 23/01/2024 13:46

Oh yes PP makes a good point. Definitely get a STI test!

LifeExperience · 23/01/2024 13:47

Your dirty, druggie, abusive partner is dating other women and you're trying to figure out what YOU can do to change that? Nothing, except bin the twat. Or you can allow him to continue to mentally and emotionally abuse you, lie to you and cheat on you forever. Your choice.

ChaToilLeam · 23/01/2024 13:48

Just bin this sleazy, dirty, druggie loser. He brings nothing positive to your life. There are worse things than being single, you know.

SamW98 · 23/01/2024 13:51

Sometimes I think he will grow up and be the man

Hes 37 and it’s been 4 years - it ain’t happening. This is who he is - a lying cheating abusive scrounging druggy piece of shit

Irakotka · 23/01/2024 14:03

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MyopicBunny · 23/01/2024 14:08

Are you in the US?

Irakotka · 23/01/2024 14:08

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MyopicBunny · 23/01/2024 14:10

Oh I was just wondering about the cabin. If you had an abusive childhood then it will be your normal.

Please believe us when we say this man won't change. It's not you, it's him. He will cheat on any other partner he has too.

Irakotka · 23/01/2024 14:12

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ScierraDoll · 23/01/2024 14:14

He sounds a waste of space. You seem to be in the "he might change if I stay with him" state of mind. Take it from me he won't. You are wasting your time, energy and affection on a selfish, self centered dope head. Give him the push you deserve better

AnotherDayAnotherDoller · 23/01/2024 14:14

Why are you even considering staying with this man.
You are worth so much more.

BatteryPowerGnat · 23/01/2024 14:47

@Irakotka
Why are all your posts being deleted by Mumsnet HQ?
Are you not liking what other PP are saying?

This man is a waste of space, unfaithful, obnoxious, drug taking bully.
Dump him and get your life back on track.

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