Modern Dating/getting to know someone advice

[Lalalouloulala]

Soooo what is ‘the normal’ when it comes to modern day dating…
I was in a relationship for 10 years. Never dated prior and now I’ve experienced dating a couple of people but VERY briefly and things just seem to fizzle out.. where do I go wrong?

The dates seem to go well, and I get asked out again.. but people seem to then ghost me.. I’m not the biggest texter. Is that my problem? Perhaps my communication away from being face to face with these people isn’t great? I will never ignore anyone but I would reply either in like 10-20 mins or a few hours but never longer. Or if someone is slow with replying to me I’m quite relaxed about it.. I don’t live on my phone. Perhaps I’m too laid back?

how much is ‘the normal’ to text? Like once you’ve been on a date or two? And how often do you go on a dates?!

i went on a date with a guy last week. It went really well in my opinion! He asked to see me again, we’ve spoke every day since (even if briefly to say hope you’ve had a good day etc) until yesterday we said we would both have a think what we will do on our next date in a few days time.. I asked what time he would be free and I’ve had no reply.. do I leave it? And just see if he ever messages? Do I ask if he’s okay?

ive known of him years, and he doesn’t seem like someone to mess people around so it has thrown me him going silent on me, and it’s only been a day.. but idk? Opinions?

feeling like I’ll forever be alone at this point as I feel people don’t give me a chance!

I wouldn't worry about how fast you reply, just do it when you have time. If someone gets the hump, or you feel pressured to respond faster I'd take that as a red flag.

On his lack of reply, whether you follow up looking for a reply depends how keen you are I guess. I wouldn't express concern, it might sound impatient. If you do, maybe suggest a day & something to do. Wouldn't advise more than one more msg without a reply tho.

Modern dating as it is, I wouldn't be surprised if he's juggling a few options & I wouldn't feel bad about doing the same yourself until he or you is ready to suggest being exclusive

I think ghosting is just such a normal thing now and men have options as the dating pool is huge.. it's not you it's them

@spookehtooth thank you for this.
I will reach out and check if he’s still up for meeting.. you are right though he probably has many options!
although I just don’t understand the need for people to act completely fine one minute, have a lovely date, arrange a second date, keep up convo and then out of no where disappear?! We’ve known each other years and have many mutual friends so surely the decent thing to do is at least say you aren’t feeling it.. or something?! Seems strange to me!
guess there isn’t always an answer!
thank you for your opinion :)

@Newnamepleasee this is true… thank you. I hate modern dating. I don’t feel it gives anyone a chance to actually get to know you before they’ve either created a false sense of someone or be so tempted to explore so many options!

@Lalalouloulala there's quite a few critiques on the effect of modern dating methods, it's worth reading some to help with getting your head around the kind of things going on.

One I read suggested the process itself, rather than individuals, makes it difficult to create a connection & that it requires making a conscious effort to counter that. Dates via OLD start with precisely zero in common, even the most random meeting in real life gives you more, just by both of you being in the same place at the same time & whatever it was that made you start talking. I like the 3 date rule, before deciding, tho obviously there will be exceptions that need binning asap

I think the "more options" thing isn't as true as it seems too. There's also more competition. Personally, I find the browsing & talking to higher numbers of people a bit exhausting, and periodically take time out from it 🤷‍♂️