Probably a long thread so apologies in advance.
We’ve been together for over 29 years, teenage parents and now have 3 DC who have left home and uni, settled in good jobs and relationships.
I’ll be totally up front, I like to do the shopping, cooking and the bills. Don’t know why, I just do. The bills side comes from when we were younger and we were always in debt. I tried to hide it because I was embarrassed and felt I was responsible for it (tbf, I did encourage the ‘keeping up with the Jones’).
Kids have now left home, we downsized and are now in the very fortunate position of being mortgage free and no debt. Life is financially secure. So what’s the issue?
Every day for for past 18 months my DP just wants to start an argument. Always boils down to our relationship and how I am emotionally devoid. I’m not, I just don’t show it and that just infuriates my DP. I need to talk about them constantly, and everything is always worse for them.
Emotionally, I feel that I am to blame for everything. I get told the kids won’t love me, won’t want to see me. Grandchildren won’t want to see me. We need to talk about things all the time and when I do, it’s not the right thing to say.
I do love them so much but have started to feel that self preservation is starting to kick in. I’m a half pint full person - positive about most things with a bit is pessimism for when I want something to happen.
Everyday I just feel like a decision needs to be made, on edge for when DP wakes, or gets home.
Any advice, gratefully appreciated.