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Original poster

OLD: What to do when the man invites you to start the conversation

11 replies

sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 18:03

I've been on Hinge for a while now and need advice from daters on MN.
I used to leave an icebreaker comment while liking men's profile. Usually, the comment's in relation to something I'd read or seen on their profile. But I stopped doing this as I got demotivated as no one I liked ever and left a comment to ever liked me back - not one!
So now, I just like profiles and if they like back, hope to take it from there. What I'm however getting is men who like back but don't initiate any conversation, instead they invite me to start the chat. And when I do start conversations, most just respond to me with lazy answers without asking much about me or trying to advance the discussions. Also, they'd respond about once in two days.
Ladies, how do you interpret these dating behaviours and how do you approach men on Hinge in particular who like back but then ask you to come and begin the conversation?

OP posts:
Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:16

Well first of all I never ‘like’ any man on hinge. I might like them back if they do first, but it’s just pointless IMO making the first move.

if they just like me without commenting I might like them back if I’m actually interested. Then if they don’t start a conversation within a day I unmatch them.

if men actually like you and are actually interested they will be proactive. No point trying to force it.

SamW98 · 22/01/2024 18:22

I didn’t like Hinge when I was on OLD. Not sure if it’s just my area/age group but almost every man was into kayaking/paddleboarding/hiking and spent Sundays going for a walk followed by a roast.

I would say from your OP they’re chatting to a few women and barely making an effort. The ones who want to date are making conversation and moving things forward.

I do think a lot of people now go on
the apps through boredom rather than a genuine desire to date.

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 22/01/2024 18:24

If they can't even be bothered to initiate a conversation they are giving you an indication of just the amount of effort they think you deserve. Never interact with lazy men. They only want an easy catch.

occhiazzurri · 22/01/2024 18:30

I very much experienced the same when I briefly ventured on Hinge. I was primarily interested/communicating with men around my age (early 40s) so when they engaged in the very same behaviour you described - whether or not I or they messaged first- I put it down to them not being interested in someone their age and looking to date someone younger. None of the people I approached were among the standouts or super attractive or with super impressive careers so I am still puzzled. Is is just the age ie 40s where people are just after casual sex or validation only or boredom and cannot be bothered to engage?

Original poster
sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 18:31

Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:16

Well first of all I never ‘like’ any man on hinge. I might like them back if they do first, but it’s just pointless IMO making the first move.

if they just like me without commenting I might like them back if I’m actually interested. Then if they don’t start a conversation within a day I unmatch them.

if men actually like you and are actually interested they will be proactive. No point trying to force it.

Interesting.
I do not get likes as such. Two a month maybe, so I try to put myself out there by liking them first. It's a cruel dating world for some, sadly :(
Good idea unmatching if they don't initiate any conversation. Thanks!

OP posts:
Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:33

@sixoclocks do you pay for it? I would never pay for Hinge, but I notice certain days where I get loads of likes and then days with none at all.

it’s all to do with their algorithms and nothing to do with you. They want to get you to sign up. Or if your membership is about to expire, rejoin.

I’m also convinced loads of profiles on Hinge are fake.

Original poster
sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 18:33

SamW98 · 22/01/2024 18:22

I didn’t like Hinge when I was on OLD. Not sure if it’s just my area/age group but almost every man was into kayaking/paddleboarding/hiking and spent Sundays going for a walk followed by a roast.

I would say from your OP they’re chatting to a few women and barely making an effort. The ones who want to date are making conversation and moving things forward.

I do think a lot of people now go on
the apps through boredom rather than a genuine desire to date.

😂😂😂. You're completely right. Most men seem to be hedonistic on there. They all like to travel, kayak and run marathons. Unrealistic impressions and can be off putting for women who just lead normal lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 18:39

Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:33

@sixoclocks do you pay for it? I would never pay for Hinge, but I notice certain days where I get loads of likes and then days with none at all.

it’s all to do with their algorithms and nothing to do with you. They want to get you to sign up. Or if your membership is about to expire, rejoin.

I’m also convinced loads of profiles on Hinge are fake.

No, I do not pay do it currently. I paid thrice and got nothing in return on all occasions. Zero likes. I've been on Hinge on and off for three years (I delete every 10 months to take a break and refresh the profile so that the algorithm pushes me more as a newcomer) and have had 2 dates only. I think the algorithm is twisted. I just refuse to pay any longer. Not worth it in my opinion. The idea is to be on the app to find someone and delete it, not to have them on for a lifetime.

OP posts:
Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:42

Yeah to be honest I think online dating has had its day. It’s all too transparent now how they’re just trying to get people to part with their cash. Also Hinge isn’t cheap! Better off taking that and sitting at a Bar with a nice cocktail and seeing what happens 😂

but yeah if men can’t even be bothered to pursue at that early stage it will only get worse…

Original poster
sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 19:05

occhiazzurri · 22/01/2024 18:30

I very much experienced the same when I briefly ventured on Hinge. I was primarily interested/communicating with men around my age (early 40s) so when they engaged in the very same behaviour you described - whether or not I or they messaged first- I put it down to them not being interested in someone their age and looking to date someone younger. None of the people I approached were among the standouts or super attractive or with super impressive careers so I am still puzzled. Is is just the age ie 40s where people are just after casual sex or validation only or boredom and cannot be bothered to engage?

I'm sorry this was your experience. I'm almost 40 and often wonder if this is part of why these men believe they can't be bothered to make any effort with me. Their loss!

OP posts:
Original poster
sixoclocks · 22/01/2024 19:07

Muffin777 · 22/01/2024 18:42

Yeah to be honest I think online dating has had its day. It’s all too transparent now how they’re just trying to get people to part with their cash. Also Hinge isn’t cheap! Better off taking that and sitting at a Bar with a nice cocktail and seeing what happens 😂

but yeah if men can’t even be bothered to pursue at that early stage it will only get worse…

I couldn't agree more. Better off spending that money on a real-life experience 😂

OP posts:
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