how can i support friend

[bigboydiditandranaway]

My friend has a two yr old boy and is expecting her 2nd child in the summer.
She has had a tough time with her parents up until last 6mths or so basically her mum kept turning up all the time, her sister was really vile towards and sided with everyone but her, she felt pushed out because my friend had a baby. Her pil are very difficult and she has had aggrivation from them since her and her dh got married.

Sorry to go on but now her sister has split up from her long term b/friend for good it appears and my friend is so on edge that her sister is going to be more problematic and her parents will start being difficult aswell.

Any advice please?

Crikey. Sounds like everyone really puts upon your friend, don't they?

I used to be the kind of person that was very accommodating and laid back. Until I realised that people were actually taking the p*ss and I felt really walked over.

After the birth of my first child, I decided enough was enough. And I guess I became a bit selfish, introspective, looking after No.1 and made sure that everyone around me knew that I was not going to do what they wanted or thought I should do.

Your friend is very lucky to have you on her 'team'.

She either needs to move away from these people or start to make it clear she is not interested in their bad behaviour. She should start by telling her mum she can't come round all the time if that's what your friend wants. And avoid contact with her sister if her sister can only be toxic towards her.

Your friend sounds to be very alone in her family situation. If she stands up to them, she will still be alone but she will not be letting them make her feel bad for living her life the way she chooses and parenting the way she chooses.

It's hard to stand up to people and risk angering them or upsetting them but I've found that if you don't, the effects on yourself and your relationship with your partner can be devastating.

Good luck.

I think she should withdraw from it all. Totally. Politely text everybody to say that as a heavily pregnant person with her own problems to resolve, she is taking some time out from other people's dramas (I don't know out to put that more politely).

Thanks for your support, i know she has support from her dh but i just feel that due to past history of her extended family's behaviour towards her things will start off again now that her sister has parted from her b'friend. hopefully they won't but she's really concerned that she has managed to get things sorted with her mum & dad after having to stand upto them and having a baby on the way all those old feelings have come to the surface again.

She's concerned aswell that as her sister lives about 20 mins away, time spent with her mum & dad will now have to include her sister aswell, i don't know if that will be true, but breaking up with someomne can be a lonely business if you don't have single friends can't it.

I think her sister may change a bit after parting with her b'fiend but if she does that will take time and before that happens she will be manipulative bitch to my friend(i've seen her in action)

Good advice about saying withdrawal from other peoples dramas.