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Relationships

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Marriage strain

3 replies

Mumoftwingirls15 · 22/01/2024 15:27

I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and we have twin daughters who are now 8. Things have been (I feel) ropey between us for the past few years. When we met our opposite personalities worked well together but as time is going on, I’m just worn out. We clash almost daily. I admit I’m a bit OTT with wanting to live in a tidy home, everyone always says a messy home is a happy home. But he makes my life twice as hard with his untidiness. He leaves clothes on the floor, toiletries abandoned all over the place, he’ll have a snack and just leave the dishes in the sink, wet towels on the bed. I know this sounds so pathetic to some relationship struggles but I’m actually exhausted constantly clearing up after him. He works full time, and I work part time over 4 days but 2 of my days are long days (8-6, 2 days, 8-2 2 days) I’m a nurse and on my feet all day long so am usually pretty tired by the end of my long days. Plus I do nearly all the cooking, meal planning, ironing, sorting school bags, making sure homework is done etc. He’ll help when he’s asked to do something but he never notices when things need done. I lost the plot this morning. He has a day off today. He just sits on his phone watching football highlights, chatting to his mates on WhatsApp (big group, lots of guys, literally hundreds of msgs pinging through every day). And he could sit and watch his phone while I’m tidying and not notice or offer to help. I really feel today I want to leave him, because I think I’d have an easier life on my own with the kids. But my heart is torn. I don’t want to break up their happy life. One of my girls is autistic and hates change and struggles to deal with it. So I keep going back to thinking I will just have to put up with it until they’ve grown up a bit. Anyone else just feel like they’ve come to the end of a relationship but as it’s not toxic just put up with it for the long term?

OP posts:
MissBuzzard · 22/01/2024 15:30

Has it been like this for 15 years or has one of you changed tidiness level?

Mumoftwingirls15 · 22/01/2024 16:22

He’s always been untidy. When we met his flat was usually in a guddle. But his mum cleaned it for him once a week and did all
his washing (he was 30 at that point 🙈) But when we moved in together I managed to just maintain things because it was just the two of us. He was better back then. And it didn’t bother me so much back then. It’s harder now as the kids have all their stuff/rooms. And I have less time to sort it. He used to be more helpful than he is now. We’ve discussed it at length many times and he always agrees he could do more to help and promises he’ll change. And he does, for a short while and then he just reverts back to his same old ways

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 12/06/2024 10:23

How’s it going OP ?

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