Staying up late

[Toadstool1985]

My dp has started staying up much later than me. Weve never gone to bed at exactly the same time but recently its much later and I'm asleep when he comes up. If its new would that be something to worry about?

He's online too

Sorry, it won't let me edit my post. I meant that he's online on messenger when I've gone to bed until late, sometimes early hours

I wouldn't have said it was something to worry about until I read this bit.

I often say to my DH, "won't be long" as he heads off to bed and then can get waste ages browsing on my phone. He's usually asleep when I eventually make it upstairs. Absolutely nothing wrong, I'm just a procrastinator!

That would concern you?

I'm just noticing because it's new. He'd often stay up watching TV but it's the online that I noticed that seems different. Then a few nights ago I stayed up watching something until late too, he was on his phone a lot and we both went to bed. Then after a while he got up and went downstairs to the bathroom instead of upstairs.

Mine does but what's knew is I go to bed earlier. Doesn't bother me. He's watches all sorts of space/ history stuff

@Toadstool1985 You know your relationship best, and If it feels different enough for you to write on here about it, then you maybe need to be asking some questions.

Have you asked him what he is doing online?

Could be fishy or not. You need more info.

No because hed know I was looking at what he was doing. Right now I don't know if I'm just being silly so don't want to say anything yet. Thats why I stayed up later a few nights ago to see what he was doing, but thats when he went back downstairs after we went to bed

I agree...if you are concerned enough to be posting on here, I think you should be speaking to him about it.

My ex was chatting on WhatsApp and calling the OW once I had gone to bed.

I'm not saying your OH is but if you're suspicious then it's possible.

Online on messenger means he’s staying up late to privately message someone. Trust your instincts here. This is what raised my suspicions in a previous relationship. Also beware that asking him directly might just make him change his settings so his online status is off. Or to use a different app to message the OW.
Of course it could be nothing, but scrolling through YouTube all night isn’t being online on messenger. Huge difference. And it’s a change in behaviour you’ve twigged. Get ahead of this.

How would you know if he's online scrolling or watching videos on Facebook vs online chatting on messenger - wouldn't both give the same online status?

It's Whatsapp. I think I'm going to try and look at his phone soon and hope there's nothing

I looked. He's been talking to a friend but lots of messages are deleted and not really sure what to think

Yes it would, sorry. My DP stays up later than me sometimes (although next to me in bed) but he's usually browsing eBay for machine parts for work or watching videos about space on YouTube😴Likewise if I'm ever up later then I'm usually scrolling TikTok or watching videos about rescue dogs on Instagram.

It's being online on WhatsApp until the early hours which would concern me. But as @BeckiWithAnI says, asking him to his face is pointless as he will deny it and will have deleted the messages. Having said that, if you know him well enough then you will know if he's lying at least...

My friend had this happen to her years ago and her DH denied it over and over again even though she knew something was going on. About a year later she found out he had been seeing a woman at work. She knew deep down but couldn't find the evidence (he was obviously deleting it) and he wouldn't admit it when she confronted him at the time.

I don't know what to suggest to help OP I'm afraid but the change in behaviour is the biggest cause for concern and is what has triggered your post. Go with your instincts. Good luck x

Thank you for your very kind post. I saw hed been talking to her while he was travelling for work for hours and again when he had to have a medical procedure done. Times hed be talking to me but a lot more messages to her. Her upset about the operation which was weird.

He's home today so I'm going to try and get another look as I only scrolled the last couple of weeks and im wondering what else there is. Or isnt hopefully.

Im sort of talking to myself here but writing it is helping as im not telling anyone in rl. I looked again and got as far as early december and seen hed left work to be with her on his birthday and then come back to my planned afternoon together. And not told me about it, thats not right is it? Why would he hide that

I think you know the answer here already, OP. I'm Sorry ❤️

If he had told me he saw his friend, I wouldn't have thought anything if it though?

This morning I was tidying and cleared his birthday cards away so saw that as the perfect time to bring her up as I got to hers. I read it and it said something about his birthday lunch (I hadn't thought anything of it at the time) and asked him about it and why didn't he tell me. He said that he didn't tell me as he thought I wouldn't like it and only saw her on his birthday as she would he upset if he didn't. I told him that that made no sense as he either wanted to see her on his birthday for his sake or her feelings matter to him more than his own if he was so bothered about upsetting her. He didn't have anything to say to that, im right aren't I?