In laws

[Ariel60]

Hi I am really struggling for clarity here

I am full of anger

My daughter got married a few years ago and she did not want to invite her aunt (sister of my husband or her 2 daughter and their partners)
Reason - none of them never made contact with her from one year to the next. So she didn't want to invite them.

However, my mother in law was extremely cross about her decision and said they had to be invited.

So my daughter said she wasn't paying for them.
My husband coughed up £1200 to have his sister and niece etc at his daughter's wedding.

So now here is the situation.....
Youngest daughter of sister in law, was getting married with very close family and my sister in law and mother in law didn't invite my husband, their brother and son respectively.

What an awful thing to do!
Not to invite an only uncle that this niece has to a small wedding. I wasn't going to go as I work.

But I was incensed that he wasn't invited as he is the only male in the family as his father died early.
Why didn't my mother in law argue to have him at this small wedding?

I don't understand the rationale and I am so angry I just know where to put it 😡

Any suggestions about how to move on?

It seems one rule for one situation and another rule for another situation

Your h was unreasonable to pay for the aunt and her children etc to attend your DD’s wedding but I guess that you see that now.

Firstly how does ur husband feel about it, as he's big enough to maintain his own feelings.

Secondly are the weddings sizes similar? Has your husband maintained a relationship with his niece? You say the a number of times she's having a small wedding, perhaps they can't afford or don't want extra people

I think that the “only male in the family” argument is archaic and irrelevant. If your dd rarely saw her aunt then I assume that the bride to be rarely saw your h so chances are there are other males who would walk her down the aisle etc

Your DD has good boundaries - you and your DH do not.

You could ask your MIL but frankly that would be a waste of your breath. I'm assuming the wedding has already taken place.

Step back - now you know where you as a family stand.

Your MIL was u reasonable in the first instance for sticking her oar in. Your DH did not need to fork out for his sister and her family, but he chose to do that to keep the peace.
Thats pretty much where things went wrong. If your DH actually cares, he can have it out with his mother, as she seems to be the string puller .

Mother in law said that nieces were so pleased that they have an aunt and uncle who are so special to them and keep in touch all the time.
If my husband was so special, why wasn't he invited to their small wedding!
So cruel

My husband likes to keep the peace and his sister has annexed most of her late husband's family off in the past 20 years.
It is one rule for them and one rule for us.
My daughter thinks it is very rude and she doesnt want anything ever to do with them except for her Nan

Our daughter had over 100 close family and friends. We contributed but she was specific about family. Only those who she saw and that is my sister's son and daughter and their families.

My husband's niece had her mum, her sister, and her Nan
Niece's fiance had his 2 sisters and his Mum.

Yes the wedding was last Saturday.
My husband understands if I want to stay away from family events and will fib on
my behalf if I decide not to go to future events. He agrees it was shabby but doesn't upset his mother.

I agree it is no good starting an argument with mother in law as she loves her son but obviously not enough to get him to the wedding

My husband's niece had her mum, her sister, and her Nan
Niece's fiance had his 2 sisters and his Mum

This is a tiny wedding (and I had 12 people at mine). So I can understand that inviting an uncle & potentially his wife & DD would massively skew the numbers. However an explanation would have been appropriate even if only in general terms

Your DH was a fool for facilitating them coming to your daughter's wedding.

Yup I agree
But my dear man likes the quiet life
He doesnt see his sister from one year to the next but they call each other on birthdays.
He is very close to his Mum, so I guess he didn't want to upset her and just went ahead and paid for his sister and her daughters and partners to be at our girls big day.

None of them even talked to her on that day😰