I have been thinking about my relationship with my parents and in laws. They are good parents but I have always struggled with the lack of emotional generosity.
They never really compliment their children face to face. Although they might speak with pride about their children’s and grandchildren’s achievements to friends or random people.
There seems to be something about how directly showing an interest in someone or taking pride in them is spoiling them. Both my parents and in-laws are pretty religious and sometimes I think it’s about not encouraging pride or seeking approval from sources other than God (that’s a big thing in evangelical style Christianity).
It really gets me down. I will tell my Mum something I am proud of and she will never ask any follow up questions or show an interest. She seems to see it as boasting and will always play it down. I see so many people be open and enthusiastic about the people they love and wonder why my family is so different. I try and compliment my children a lot. I am not naturally sentimental (due to my upbringing) but am trying to break the cycle. My husband’s parents were the same but hyper critical on top of that so he had it even worse.
The strange thing is I know that they all boast about their children and grandparents to other people. Somehow I think this is because they can make it about them? In the sense they can brag to the neighbour then they look like the amazing parent and grandparent.
Are other peoples parents stingy with their praise like this? I am trying to tackle how this makes me feel as I know it has made me desperate for approval in the past which isn’t the best way to be.
I love my parents and see them a lot and generally do enjoy their company. Part of me thinks it’s just the way they are because of age/ upbringing and religion. The less generous part of me thinks it’s because they like being the centre of attention and talking about themselves and generally aren’t interested in others.