Where to start

[landj]

Things not too great at home, horrible rows, mainly over money. Cant believe I've ended up a kept woman but here I am and I'm stuck. As DH often tells me, I have nothing. I dont earn enough to pay rent, he owns everything, from my car to my phone. Me and the kids will end up in coucil accomodation if I leave. Its all about money with him. He pays for this and pays for that. God I know Im not making much sense but things just getting so bad. Im hiding bank statements, my stomach drops everytime he mentions money. He stressed with rent increase and bills and loans and I dont do anything to help. He just goes on and on. He has a night off tonight and Im dreading it. But if I leave I have nothing. So pathetic, cant believe Im this woman.

Thought about getting a job? Is it possible?

Are you spending more of your joint money than you should be (hence the hiding of bank statements) and is that why he is getting so stressed?

If you leave you can't have any less than you have now. At least you will have self esteem, self respect and peace of mind

You won't have nothing. You will have the children. You will be accommodated by the local authority and you will be supported by benefits - until such time as you can support yourself. You will also have back your self-esteem and the freedom to relax without worrying if your dh is having an evening off.

Have you thought of getting a part time job or doing some work from home? that way you can earn your own cash. I think that running a house and looking after his kids is a very tough job myself, worthy of the highest rate of pay. He doesn't seem to realise what you do. Have you thought of going on strike so he can see for himself?

I wish it was that simple. 2 kids, no family support. Living off tesco value. Cant afford child care.

Get a job, even part-time. Or do a course that will give you better prospects. Sends a strong message to him that you have earning potential and aren't reliant on him (or at least, won't always be). Looking at the bigger picture - it's not great that your husband wields this power over you in such a nasty way. How are things in your marriage generally?

THere are various things you can do to bring in an extra few quid that don't need childcare (avon, usborne etc or flogging stuff on Ebay - there are lots of threads on this) if you think that your DH is being horrible purely because he is stressed about money. However, if money is just another area in which your DH is trying to bully and control you, you need to seek help and think about getting out of the relationship if he doesn't shape up and start behaving like a civilised being.

Working tax credit will cover the childcare provided both parents are working and you both earn below a certain amount. I do ironing and clothing repairs from home when ds is in bed. Don't need childcare.

I agree about working at/from home on eBay/ironing etc. I think just having a little bit of cash which is all your own would help lift you.

You might find eBay easiest to start with, you can even do that without him knowing, if you felt you needed to, just list some books you won't re-read, some clothes you or the children won't wear again to get you started.

Good luck!

Sorry to hear things are getting you down so much landj. It is diffiicult without a good support network.

With regards to the money stituation...would your DH be ok about you working? Some men use the 'I don't let my wife/partner work' as a means of control. iam NOT saying this is your DH.

It's just that if childcare/confidence (not something more sinister) are the only issues holding you back then there are things you can do.

Apologies for awful typing btw. Hope that makes sense.