Colleague Infatuation

[Infatuation2]

Just after some advice - not sure how to proceed. Always been in opposite sex relationships and currently single. Recently at work someone of the same sex as me started about 6 months ago and in that 6 months we have grown so close to the point where we just connect. We have the same interests; same views on life really; same values and everyone talks about us being ‘close’. We have a lot of deep conversations and get on so well it just feels right.

Unfortunately they are 7/8 years younger than me and even more unfortunately have a partner who they occasionally mention. I’d never be an affair and would rather have the friendship. I just find myself thinking what if really? I get butterfly feelings when I think of my crush and I’m always excited when I post on socials to see they have read it - just seeing their name come up excites me.

i wouldn’t say I’m gay or even bi, but this person just excites me so much that I can’t stop thinking about them and I just need to know really how do I move on from this so I’m not consumed by the crush?

Difficult situation.
Many of us have been there, in some capacity.

If you want to move on, I would advice you to

1. Mute and/or unfollow the person on social media
2. Try to focus on something else, like a hobby, or other friends
3. Avoid or limit contact with person
4. Think about the partner of your colleague

Is her partner male or female?

If she's a lesbian do you think the closeness to her had brought out lesbian fantasies?

If she's not a lesbian then your attentions could be very unwelcome.

If they're mentioning their partner they do not feel the same.

Leave well alone, it could end up being disastrous.

Workplace crushes can brighten up the day- but don't expect it to go anywhere, especially if she's not single. Just enjoy it without acting on it.

Thank you. I don’t expect it to go anywhere. - although My ex was a colleague at one point. They are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex but have made it quite well known round work that they’ve had same sex infatuations themselves in the past.

I do very much think about their partner hence why I want the crush to go away and I’m asking for advice.

It's easy to assume we are straight because we've never felt a connection to someone of the same sex but often it's just that we haven't been open to feeling it before.

Obviously a partnered, junior work colleague should be off limits. Female friendships especially can develop quickly and it's hard to identify the line between a great colleague / a new friend / the beginning of something more. Try to think of her as a junior colleague that you mentor or the partner of someone else and don't allow yourself to daydream about 'what if'. Try to imagine yourself with someone else, maybe even go on a date or two to distract yourself!

Thank you really appreciate the response. Thankfully she is on leave the next two weeks so I have the opportunity to create some distance.

I had an openly lesbian colleague once who was talking about us getting closer as we were developing a tight friendship. It was all a whole load of bs.