So I'm the women who posted about crying over there ex....I finally found out the truth.

[Onehouratatime]

Hi all
So I posted before about how me and the ex broke up in July. Come December I was still crying and asking him to reconsider (he blocked me for 3 months ish First no contact) he saw a picture of me Start of Dec on a night out..just starting to feel better and move forward...the next day he pops up and says I looked beautiful last night blah blah blah thinks he's made a huge mistake wants to talk...fast forward...we speak for hours on the phone, we talk about ways to fix our relationship and the issues that brought us to us breaking up (him crossing trust boundaries) we meet twice... we tell each other how awful its been the past 4/5 months blah blah blah then...

16th December I get a phone call randomly from his ex. His ex he slated who he hated who apparently beat him up smashed a glass in his face broke his nose Is "crazy" yada yada yada... they have been sleeping together the whole time we split and maybe even a few weeks before we split. AND when me and ex got together him and her were working on their relationship ...he was with her and seeing me for 3 months at the start! The whole 18months was based on bullshit and lies from him. He told the ex the same story about me which he told me about her - crazy abusive etc etc ....and was seeing both of us.

So here we are 2024. 5 weeks since I found out everything. And I'm totally head fucked. Our kids loved each other. We spent so much time together. I wanted my future with him. He lied about everything. He destroyed me.

How do I even begin to move forward or trust ever again?

Thanks everyone...rambling...sorry

Do the freedom programme.

I am sorry he was such a wanker. You deserve better 💐

What is the freedom programme?

Cut him loose. Get him out of your head. Set yourself free of his crap and all that comes with it.

You can Google the Freedom Programme.

Shame about the kids but what an utter bastard. Yes you feel destroyed now but you will heal. As per PP do the freedom programme. All the best

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I've been through similar, I'm sure it will get easier.

Oh love. What a waste of air this man is.

The one positive even in the midst of feeling like crap is that the utter headfuckery he has caused you is over now. You can try and enjoy your life with your children free from all the worry about your relationship with this man because it's 100% over now.

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh sorry if it does, but …….

This isn’t high romance and drama. He has actually shown you he holds you in total contempt. That should make him totally worthless and appalling in your eyes, not worth any wondering why and wasting another second of your time. Being upset, getting so easily reeled back in will make you look desperate and needy to him. That will leave him feeling quite comfortable about keeping you hanging on his every word so he knows that you will take anything even though he’s cheated and maligned you to others. He will continue to shit all over your life. Because you are letting him.

the freedom programme is really helpful in teaching you about different types of abusive men but you do also need proper help to learn to value yourself and love yourself. When you do that it is so much easier to set standards boundaries and values for yourself that the chances of being treated like shit by another man become much less likely. You will see his behaviour for what it is: pitiful and a complete turn off in every way.

nobody deserves this sort of shitty cruel treatment. Work on yourself so that you really can believe this. You will be so much happier and content.

Are you the poster who was actively trying for a baby with this guy?

ffs move on, i presume you are an adult not a teenager anymore sure memories may come up but just act an adult and realise this is not right and stop letting it affect any children you have - you can pretend it won't but it would

I'm so sorry you've been put through this by your lying ex. You have had a lucky escape and need to change your mindset - when you find yourself reminiscing about how great you were together, remind yourself that he is an unreliable liar who messed with your head. He's selfish and duplicitous. You are better off without him. Write this down and read it every day. Start doing nice things for yourself. Treat yourself to a new hairdo, a massage, a yoga class, coffee and cake with a good friend, a lovely meal out, a walk in the woods with your kids, a trip to the beach. Take one day at a time. You'll get there 💐

YYY to this.

I'd steer completely clear of men for a good while, OP. Build yourself up. Focus on yourself and your children.

It's an online counselling type programme that helps you recover from abusive/narcissistic ex so you learn when to spot the red flags/etc

@Onehouratatime

16th December I get a phone call randomly from his ex.

Thank goodness for this. However much it will have hurt to hear what she had to say, she's done you a favour because now you know the unvarnished truth. I hope she's also given him his marching orders.

Lick your wounds by all means, but at least you can recognise how disgraceful his behaviour has been and that (surely) there is no way you'd ever again consider any contact with this vulture. Block and delete him on all platforms and allow time to smooth away your current pain.

He has not destroyed you - you will survive and thrive. Take one breath, one step at a time and a course of counselling for you as that will help you. Take care of you. 🌹

God no not me!

Thank you everyone so much.

I'm so glad she reached out to me and told me. She clicked and when she did he begged her not to tell me a ruin his life haha

Will do the freedom programme again. It was many years ago I did it first time
Thanks all

You can’t be devastated over a wanker. You can be relieved at the near miss. Get back out there.

Haha your right!!
I struggle as I have literally no family help at all but one day I will get back out there.. 18 months wasted 😪

You’ll be ok. I’m still in love with someone from years ago 😂

Try to get out there in the world and be happy just you for a bit x

We don’t need them to be happy 🩷