*Dating with mental health issues*

[filthypride]

I've been single for nearly 3 years now. My previous relationship ended due to my mental health issues as well as some things on his side. I totally understand why he couldn't cope (now), I am a lot to deal with, but I never hid my issues, from the very first conversation it was all out there and he "promised" to be there, but he became overwhelmed and could no longer deal with me. It makes me incredibly sad that I cannot have a relationship because of how I am.

I have to live being unwell so I know how shit it is, which is why I don't know how i will ever meet someone who is able to be supportive and empathic enough to feel I am worth being with.

The rejection sucks, it's crap being dumped or dismissed for an illness that I didn't want. It's just what life had planned for me and despite "help" I am still unwell. I have tried, hell knows I have, but I'm stuck in this life so I have to make what I can of it within my capabilities.

I am 48 now. I'm on dating sites and when people read my profile and it says what is wrong with me, 9/10 I will get some sexually oriented response which is not what I am looking for.

I would love some advice as the loneliness I feel is killing me.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling op. Are you under your gp? Have you considered meds or therapy? I do think you need to be happy in yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. I've recently been diagnosed with ocd but I've known I've had it for 28 years. It's shit being in your own mind. Sending hugs

I suffer with my MH and also an OCD sufferer (diagnosed at 18-I’m 47). I was in a relationship until 18 months ago. Looking back I wasn’t happy in or out of the relationship. As the pp said you have to be happy in yourself. The last 2/3 months have been a turning point for me and I’m actually starting to like my own company again. Do things that you like, date yourself first. Good luck 😊

@Helplessandheartbroke

Thank you for responding.

I've been under the GP since I was for this since I was 13. I've had every kind of therapy known to man since I was 16. I requested therapy last year and they said and I quote "There is nothing more we can do for you".

I have been on multiple different medications, currently on 3 different kinds, clearly they're not working either but sadly over the decades I've tried so many and they either did nothing for me or made me a million times worse. I've even paid for private hypnotherapy and just normal talking therapy. I've exhausted all avenues. No one will help me now.

If i wait for some miracle to happen for me, I'll be waiting a long time, I've accepted this is me, which is sadly while I will probably remain alone.

I think it's more about accepting how we are first and that actually it won't change and when we have a good day or a good half hour make the most of it. Once I accepted it that's when I was happy in myself and then met hubby and now 4 kids. Made it very clear at the beginning look this is how it is good days, bad days,mood changes for no reason etc etc. Past relationship since I was 16 and onward always ended quickly and in arguments,tears and me despair that I couldn't change my health. So from 26-31 I stayed single and focused on accepting what I was. I also ended up with an autism diagnosis aswell as mental health. Once I accepted this is life let's just get on with it I met hubby was married a month later and almost 10years on I can honestly say I've never been happier and that has made a huge huge difference to my life. I think if we have argued a handful of times that would be it, he is so chill and relaxed, doesn't make a fuss of bad days or times or point them out. Dives in if he sees I need it with the kids automatically. I got very very lucky

@Ladyj84

You are so lucky. To have someone to have your back and stand by you. I'm really happy for you x

I have Asperger's as well as BPD (great combo), agoraphobia, panic disorder, PTSD, GAD, depression and monophobia all really bad, life changing, soul destroying and pretty challenging to manage all at the same time.

I have two children with ASD and saw your post. Wanted to share that online dating is awful for anyone and I would certainly think it’s a terrible idea for anyone with any type of mental illness, wavering confidence or neurodivergence.

I am single after a 13 year marriage. I’m embracing the singleness, doing things for me that I enjoy doing. I’m meeting lots of people along the way. Eventually I’ll meet someone to fall in love with and it will be doing something I enjoy doing.

My children do very well with running. I started running again, I met a guy who is a runner and he is coaching me for a race we will run together. We are not dating. He is a friend, nothing more right now because I want to take the time to get to know him. I think it’s too much pressure to get to know someone and be dating them at the same time.

I’m very focused on my fitness, I do 2 book clubs, one is a self improvement/ business and one is a classics. Go out and have fun. Find things you enjoy. Make it about you learning new things and meeting new people.

I'm with you. I'm on meds and having cbt but nothing seems to work. Its hard being in your own head isn't it. Keep talking and there's some good advice on here.

Why do you put on your profile what is wrong with you? I have bipolar disorder but meet people and decide if I like them before disclosing my illness. I agree, it is something that does hang over a new relationship until it is out there, but I think you have to choose your moment and person before mentioning it.

What I mean is that there is more to you than your illness and it is not like a criminal conviction you have to state before deciding if you actually like and trust someone.

@friendlyflicka

I have put on this thread what my issues are.

I like to put it all out there, I don't want to spend weeks getting to know someone, then tell them and for them to decide not to pursue. That is just the rejection that I struggle with, hence I'm giving them the heads up so they know from the get go.

Well tbh whether or not it's something you are willing to consider or accept in a partner depends on what the rest of their personality is like and how well you gel and compatible you are isn't it. You will only start to have an idea of that after meeting a few times.

If someone's profile stated a list of diagnoses but I didn't know the person in real life or much about them at all, I would probably not swipe right as it seems quite intense to throw it all out there like that.
I understand you want to be honest, but when you think about it, dating profiles are usually a bit fun and friendly to show what you look like, what your hobbies are and what type of relationship you are looking for.
Similarly you would usually also not state that you are three times divorced on your dating profile for example for example, or have abusives exes and a traumatic childhood. These things can impact any future relationship just as much as a mental health disorder.
Nevertheless I've never seen a dating profile mentioning that much personal history, doesn't mean you are dishonest, it's just that these are things that you would usually unravel and discuss as you are getting to know each other better and I think your MH diagnosis would fall in a similar camp. Not sure what other people think of that, or would they feel led on? I can't imagine they would.

However if I'd been on a couple of dates with someone and got on well with them and they then opened up the conversation and explained they had been diagnosed and their struggles and how they are trying to deal with things, and it seems they are working on trying to get better, I might well be open to give it a go and to continue getting to know them.

@Allthewallsarewhite I do tend to agree with this. Maybe drop it in casually after a couple of dates. I didn't suffer with MH when I met DH but I knew I had ocd but used to self manage it so I didn't tell him until he noticed about a year in. 11 years on I'm really struggling now so he's being as supportive as he can be but this is quite recent really where its come to a head. Op it might be worth a try? It can't do any harm can it?

As per said too there's more to you. Your illness doesn't define who you are its just part of who you are

I love your openness and honesty OP but my fear for being so open when online dating is that it could make you sound vulnerable - and there are a lot of men who would have no problem trying to take advantage of that.

It sounds like you've tried so much OP to help yourself, I expect you've gone through a long list of anti d's to try to help - it's not available everywhere I don't think but have you tried DBT?

I don't think there's an easy answer for you really OP, you've certainly not been dealt an easy hand. Are there other places you could look to meet people rather than online? I think anywhere is better really! Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could join a group? The other thing I'd suggest is looking to meet other ND people. Good luck OP, I hope you find someone lovely.