Dating rules?

[GaroTheMushroom]

Do you follow any rules when it comes to dating? I haven’t dated in a long time but follow a few dating groups on Facebook and they have a long list of rules which you must follow apparently if you want to meet the one. Loads of women comment to say they followed the rules and they work so do you follow a set of rules or just go with the flow?

Just go with the flow, that sounds ridiculous to go by rules, I'm sure there's good advice to be learnt by more experienced daters but it's not going to be enjoyable if you have to follow rules, listen to your own gut feelings about a date.

I have no idea what the so called rules are but I would say go with the flow and trust your gut is the best advice.

A lot of these ‘dating experts’ talk complete and utter nonsense imo

i. Don’t talk about the dating rules to men.
ii. Don’t talk about the dating rules to men.
iii. Make sure you’re ready to date. Be sure your confidence, self-worth, self-love, self- awareness and knowledge of dating is all on point (within reason) before you start dating.
iv. Have zero expectations, at least in the first month of dating!
v. Never chase a man, and that includes sending consecutive messages (as prompts) without reply.
vi. Be busy and turn off your notifications. Don’t reply to messages straight away! Leave it between 10 minutes to 3 hours, and alternate the times. It’s about being unpredictable and allowing the anticipation to build the dopamine in this brain. Remember: If it’s important people will call you… like a fucking grown up.
vii. The first date must be a coffee/non-alcoholic drink for an hour. If he says “I’d like to take you for drinks and dinner.” you should say something like “As much as I’d love be wined and dined, I’d much prefer a quick coffee, so that we can get to know each other better.” and if he objects to that, then he’s just after a fuck. Note: You can extend that to two hours if you like him, and that in itself is an indirect compliment (works in his subconscious).
viii. Don’t over compliment a man. Saying shit like “I’ve never met a man like you.” and “You’re my world.” tells his subconscious that you’re his, and that he doesn’t have to do anything else. That’s when complacency sets in.
ix. Never give what’s not been earned! That goes for time, sex, trust and money.
x. Make sure the first four dates are in the public eye, and remain in the public eye. Date once a week in the first month. This reduces the chances of love-bombing and allows you to date more than one man at a time. Never open up your diary to a man, you’re a busy high value woman. Note: Many men try and rush the process for sex early.
xi. Always use a condom until you’re in a committed relationship. It’s then you have a grown up discussion about being tested. If you have to insist/or he complains about the condom, then he doesn’t value your health and he’s not the one for you.
xii. If you can, date more than one man at a time (while you’re not having sex). This allows comparison and stops fixation.
xiii. Don’t over share, you’re to remain a mystery. He should be the one who does most of the talking. He doesn’t need to know that your ex was a bastard that had a huge dick. You’re the fucking jackpot and he’s auditioning for a role in your life.
xiv. Don’t have sex until you know him well. With the first four dates being in the public eye that will allow you to get to know him pretty well. After that time, you can then reassess the situation and ask yourself if said man has been consistently persistent over time with actions matching words and all of that meaning something.
xv. Make sure dates are set in stone four days in advance. A man who is genuinely interested and sees you as a long-term prospect will want to monopolise your free time.
xvi. Make sure your intentions match! You should end your second message to him with “So what brings you here?” if you meet online or “So why are you dating” If you meet in real life. Don’t leave it any later than that. Note: Vague answers like “Going with the flow” are a red flag!
xvii. Don’t open up your diary to a man. He will make time to see you.
xviii. Never let a man change who you are, always do the things you always did, obviously, when you’re in a committed relationship there’ll be compromises to be made.
xix. Make sure he is consistently persistent over time with actions matching words.
xx. Don’t take any shit! If something doesn’t sit well then let him know! Remember: What you condone sets the tone.
xxi. Make sure you follow all of the safety advice.
xxii. Don’t go back to your ex
xxiii. Block all men who ghost you, that stops haunting and zombieing.
xxiv. Don’t ignore red flags! You’re not the exception and neither is he! xxv. Make sure you ask all relevant questions.
xxvi. Don’t give a man money
xxvii. If you seek a masculine man, then be sure that when you’re dating you lead with feminine energy.
xxviii. Don’t date when you’re healing from a past relationship. Give yourself time to recover.
xxix. Know what you want in a man. Write that shit down and that’ll hopefully stop you getting carried away and/or being affected by the “halo effect”
xxx. If dating becomes all-consuming then take a break from it all.
xxxi. Know what you want in a man and write that shit down. This will help you stop being love-bombed and/or being affected by the halo effect.
xxxii. Have deal-breakers and write them down. These are the things you’ll not accept and things must have!
xxxiii. Have boundaries, write them down and don't ever have them pushed or broken!
xxxiv. Make sure communication is daily.
xxxv . Make sure you’re exclusive before you have sex—and understand that exclusivity is not the same as commitment. When exclusive that just means he’s not fucking or dating someone else. He can and probably will be searching, and speaking to others.
xxxvi. You must lead with feminine energy to get the best results from these rules. If you lead with masculine energy, that’s fine, and you can ignore rules 5 and 6. Just remember you’ll then be chasing a man who leads with feminine energy, or a man who doesn’t give a fuck about you.
xxxvii. Don’t ignore the rules.
All the rules work in a modern dating world where 95% of men just want to fuck you on a short term basis. The rules are tried, tested, backed up with science, experience, the hindsight of thousands of women, with my own experience of dating and working in an all-male environment for over 10 years.
Each “rule” will have a relevant in-depth post. These are rules, if you want to know why it’s a rule then do your homework.
I understand that life can get in the way with some of these rules and that's understandable, but your natural urges are not an excuse and ignoring the rules will only minimise your chance of success.

this is from one of the groups I’m in.

I'd never seen those rules but they seem pretty sensible to be honest. Apart from this one:

xxxvi. You must lead with feminine energy to get the best results from these rules. If you lead with masculine energy, that’s fine, and you can ignore rules 5 and 6. Just remember you’ll then be chasing a man who leads with feminine energy, or a man who doesn’t give a fuck about you.

Wtf is 'feminine energy'?

I mean some of that is common sense

but on the other hand, I wonder how many women in Succesful marriages followed even 10% of those rules when they were first daring their now husband ?! They didn’t..

Those rules imo are a combination of 80% common sense and 20% complete bollocks.

I would say putting THAT much thought into dating means you’re overthinking imo.

I HATE this feminine energy BS! In the same way i hate the masculine energy BS. My extended family is made up of very strong matriarchal women and they all all all have very happy marriages,

What a pile of sexist shite.

No wonder there are so many single people in the group!

Without knowing it, I've followed many of those "rules" (not the feminine energy BS). I've let them chase me. I always had more than one man on the go which meant I didn't have sex for quite some time with the "chosen" one.

Also something else I did is delete their phone numbers when after messaging. So I would never be tempted to message and stress. It helped enormously. I would suggest be yourself but don't be a doormat and don't chase these men. The interested ones will make it known quite quickly they are interested. And definitely no sex for a while

Good luck

Hi OP, I am single so I don't have any rules which led to success, but I do have rules to help me survive online dating with my sanity in tact.

It is so much weirder out there than I was expecting, a lot harder too.

The rules I try to follow:

Don't personalise any of their behaviour. Sometimes I used to think if I were prettier/thinner/better they wouldn't treat me like that - but actually, a decent man would never mess you around in the first place. This is always 100% about them, not you.

Do what you want - if I feel like texting a guy because I am thinking about them, I will. If they are not interested then better to know anyway.

Be honest about expressing emotions. E.g. if they are late for a date, express your annoyance. It might not endear you to them but you will feel better, which is the main thing.

I don't mind suggesting dates, but will only make 2 suggestions so if they can't make the first or second offered time, damned if I'm suggesting a third time. This weeds out the really passive types. Similarly, if they cancel, they can reschedule...many often don't.

You can't say the wrong thing to the right person - if you want to make a joke, or send a funny text just do it. Don't worry about the wording or agonise over it. The right guy will find you charming etc. whatever you do.

Finally, for the dreaded situationship scenario - you can't lose what you don't have. It may feel like you have some level of emotional intimacy and it could be a great relationship. But you don't. So who cares if you lose it, you never had it...

In solidarity! ❤️