Online dating - I can’t find a date ?

[Datingquez]

I get 400-600 likes on Tinder and around 200 on Bumble every day. I spend ages reviewing these likes and matching with guys I think who have potential. I end up messaging back and forth with a few dozen every day. But they never ask me out. Rinse, repeat every day and every week. I never had this problem when I was dating before. The sheer number of men I’m going through yet none are keen to meet for a date. I’m 38 - is it my age ? I’ve shown my photos and bio to male friends who said it’s all fine. Do these hundreds of men just swipe for the hell of it and don’t want to actually date? Anyone else experiencing similar?

Grendell I’m finding it’s the same here definitely
things have changed since Covid

I’m not working at the moment so I have more time to spend on the apps - not rushing messages at all
My photos are all recent and nice - that’s why I think I’m getting so many likes, way more than before
I think many men are using the apps as ego boosts and not planning to date seriously

Well, a feast after the famine! OLD can be a bit like that sometimes... but it's bizarre that you were so fed up about not getting dates that you started a thread only to get FIVE men ask you out the very next day! 😲

i think some of my lengthy conversations turned out ok and also Sunday is the busiest day on the apps

I’m chatting to two guys on video tomorrow so let’s see

I've noticed this too.

A couple of years ago if I matched with someone they would message within 24 hours.

Now I'd say 90% don't message. Not sure what has changed.

I rarely message first and most won't reply. Obviously I reply if someone messages me.

It's definitely changed online. If they don't message within 7 days I delete them.

We're in the 21st century.
It's OK for a woman to ask a guy out. The guy might be thinking "if she is really interested SHE would ask me out."

This could be it. If it's obvious to men you aren't doing much more atm than messaging/dating, it could be a turn off. When I was on the apps I chatted to some guys who were not working, and would want long conversations which I couldn't manage as I was at work. And it felt like they were using me as a distraction rather than filling their time with other activities. It gave me the ick. This might absolutely not be your case, but if you have the time to message so many men, I would say you're possibly spending too much time on the apps which can be a red flag to people.

I joined tinder recently and I’m struggling to find a man to swipe right on, never mind date! I’ve matched with two but neither has messaged me and not feeling massively inclined to message first - I got fed up of that on Bumble.

Somatosensational I’ve found bumble better overall but yeah for weeks I had the same problem
maybe try bumble again as well, I feel activity has picked up

TinderTime good idea

JurassicParkaha yeah I get what you mean and I’ve notified men who msg way too much - some even call me as soon as they match without warning!

I’m not going ott tho

I've found the same thing in a much less populated area. It's a special form of torture really.

I'd love to meet someone in real life but hobbies cost money and living alone is really taking a toll my finances so I don't know what the answer is 😅

I completed Bumble

🤣🤣🤣

What’s your work situation?
im afraid I was really put off by men who weren’t working or were ‘between jobs’ and didn’t elaborate as to why

Lots of women complain about the lack of messages after matching and are perplexed by it.

I think it's because men and women approach "swiping" differently. Women tend to swipe right in guys they genuinely like the look of. Men often seem to have scattergun approach and swipe right on anyone that they think is anything more than remotely shaggable.

They then decide who they actually want to chat to once they receive their matches. Many guys have very few, if any, matches... but the top men - the very ones you are probably swiping right on - a getting a steady stream of matches. They then select the ones they most like from those,and the women who message first are more likely to get their attention.

So I don't think you can have it all ways... Expect to swipe of the cream of the crop, and then also be annoyed that they haven't messaged you first, when you haven't messaged them! They are as much of a "prize" to be "won" as you are.

Focus on the 5 guys you have dates with, before launching headlong into even more apps - that's more than enough!

You need a life beyond OLD!

İm in between jobs - not a big deal

and no I don’t go for the ‘best looking’ men, I tend to avoid them

I’m the same.

I’m about to ‘ghost’ yet another guy on Hinge after chatting for weeks without him suggesting we move the conversation off the app to real life (we’re not even on Whatapp yet…).

Do men just want a pen pal? Are they secretly married/in a relationship and just want the ego boost of getting messages from a single woman they’re attracted to?

Honestly, what the hell is going on?

I feel like everyone knows you need to meet IRL to judge chemistry yet so many men are reluctant to actually do this!

What’s the point of weeks and weeks of chatting?

I met DH OLD. It’s been five years, so things might have changed, but my experience was the opposite! Most men wanted to meet pretty much immediately, with limited conversation, which never appealed to me.

I wonder why things are so different, now?

I wonder why things are so different, now?

Lockdown. A lot of people starting using dating apps through boredom in lockdown and just want to chat.

Friends of mine who used apps pre Covid say it’s completely different now.

Ah, that does make sense. How very irritating.

@Crushed23

I feel like everyone knows you need to meet IRL to judge chemistry yet so many men are reluctant to actually do this! What’s the point of weeks and weeks of chatting?

My theory is that they've actually started seeing someone when they keep you chatting but not meeting... you're one of the backup plans should things not go to plan.

I definitely experienced this! Went on two dates with one guy. Two days after the second date he said he didn’t want to meet again. He was obsessed with reviewing everything on trip advisor. Soon after he posted multiple reviews about a weekend away ‘as a couple’ they’d booked spontaneously 48 hours before they travelled (as in the day after he said he didn’t want to see me again). So yeah, I was a back up he didn’t need!
I think some people genuinely want to date, some are playing a game, some are doing it to pass the time/thrill of the chase with no intention of meeting!