Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is this connection?

3 replies

Blueskiessunshine · 21/01/2024 07:36

Just a quick recap of my situation - separated last June from a 15 year relationship but was ready to separate years before that. Was in an emotional/supportive relationship on/off last year with a guy going through a divorce who I knew from primary school and who has always dipped in/out of my life. This time I fell for him fast but it wasn't reciprocated and he had two very short relationships with others so I backed right off. But even when he was in the other relationships he wouldn't let me fully go which obviously messed with my head.

Fast forward to now... we are both single and have mutually agreed to have a fwb arrangement. We had this in our 20s (20 years ago) and it was amazing. I am OLD and will obviously end the arrangement if I met anyone.

So the issue... we get on amazingly and the sexual attraction is huge and always has been. We can talk for hours, we 'get' each other and always find a way back to each other (dipped in and out of each others lives for most of our lives). But he doesn't seem to want me like that. The women he's dated most recently are what he describes as negative, moody, selfish... all the things he knows I'm not.

I'm past the emotional upset of knowing he doesn't want me like that and moving on to OLD was a big step for me, but the practical side of me still can't understand it. Is it to do with attachment styles? He tells me he wants to meet someone at some point and marry again... why can't he see me as that potential someone?

OP posts:
DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 21/01/2024 07:39

Sometimes that connection just isn’t there, possibly even he couldn’t explain it. However, I think a FWB arrangement with him will mess with your head if you’re hoping for more and he isn’t. I’d step away before you get hurt.

Bladwdoda · 21/01/2024 07:54

He clearly doesn’t intend to have a proper relationship with you or you would have done so by now. He’s having his cake and eating it, because he knows he is able to come and he from your life and you will allow it because you are hoping for more.

The situation you describes has disaster (for you) written all over it. In your shoes I’d either tell him you’d like to remain friends only (with no benefits) and see if there is a friendship there or tell him to get stuffed completely.

Id focus your energy elsewhere, to someone worth your time.

Jennyjojo5 · 21/01/2024 09:00

He’s literally told you he only wants sex with you and nothing more. Believe him

it is perfectly common for one person to truly feel theres a deep connection and the other doesn’t. That doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re great, fun etc but they just don’t feel it any deeper than surface level.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread