My dad had a rant on the phone at me today over something that happened at Christmas.

[Alwayswrong]

We live about 800 miles from them. It makes life hard.

They came to stay for 2 weeks at Christmas and were annoying me from day 1. My mother wanted to make mince, I said ok but my dc wouldn't eat it. Her retort was that she would make it and my dc would love it.

When I said they wouldn't, we exchanged words and the whole pent up frustration of them staying for 2 weeks came tumbling out and in the heat of the moment I told her I hated her. Which I immediately regretted as soon as the words came out my mouth, I apologised at once and for the following days afterwards until they went home. I always knew they had never really forgiven me but didn't realise how much they had been stewing on it until today.

My mother was out shopping and my father came on the phone shouting at me and basically saying how awful I am and my mother would never come back to my house again, especially as I also said they didn't like my dh.

Then he started saying I don't phone them enough, the dc should be speaking to them on the phone and just ranting about all my shortcomings in general.

I tried my best to be adult about it, but just ended up in tears. I told him I was upset and would call him back later, as my dc were around.

But to be honest, the way I feel right now, I don't want to call him, neither do I want them to come here.

I feel like saying stuff it and never speaking to them again (there is loads more to this, that I don't want to go into right now).

Getting this all out is helping as I can't speak to my dh as he is working away.

I am regular btw and not some troll (I know about JudgeFlounce, WWB's elastic, mad table cloth woman, Titania et all)

800 miles is a good exclusion zone

let it fade into the distance

call them on your terms

poor you

i always say - if these people weren't actually related to you by blood, wouwld you go ou tof your way to see them? If the answer is no, then don't.

And if you think i'm being unreasonably harsh - I havent seen/spoken to/been in contact with my pathetic father since he decided I was the reason for his marriage breakup (to mum) after 25 yers. Not the affair he'd had.

Saying you hate your mum is a pretty terrible thing to say imo. Without knowing the in's and outs of it I can't say if it was justified or not.

I know my mum would be gutted if I said this.

Having parents to stay can be a nightmare. My whole family came for two weeks a couple of years ago and it took ages to get over all the rows. My mum and dad stormed out and spent one night in a hotel, so lots of sympathy!

Thanks Twig.

How awful Captainmummy.

My parents are hard work, I am only one which doesn't help. They love to rake over things that happen in the past, are experts at blowing things out of proportion etc. When dh and I moved into our first house together he made the mistake of saying that it was handy as his parents were only 20 minutes up the road. Bad mistake, it was unbelievable the hassle I got for that (i.e. we had chosen the house because it was near to dh's parents and not them!), they still go on about it nearly 15 years later.

Noone should be staying with anyone for two weeks.
I love my lot but no way.No fucking way.

I know Dr Northerner. It was just the heat of the moment. My mother suffocates me, but that is no excuse.

guests like fish go bad after 3 days

wise proverb paraphrased badly

throws commas at previous comment, insert at will

As long as you've cracked that whose thing, we'll let you off Twig...

I'm an only child too, and my mother suffocates me. I've never had her to stay for 2 weeks and I know she would do my head in! I wouldn't say I hated her though. Perhaps there are other issues we are unaware of here?

Maybe she feels a little unloved and un included, esp if you live so close to dh's parents.

I feel for you I do. But remember you only get 1 set of parents. Maybe they need some TLC?

I don't get on great with mine either and they are only 100 miles away but haven't had such cross words, believe me they've been thought but as my mum is very ill I always feel as I can never say anything about any of it. Why not try writing down everything you want to say and then put it away. look at it again in a couple of days and see if it all feels the same and if it down use it as a guide when speaking to them

parents have a way of making you feel like the world's worst regardless of how old you are yourself

don't beat yourself up about it, unfortunately its true that we always hurt the ones we love the most

good luck whatever happens

p.s. agree entirely that 2 weeks is far too long to be staying with someone

Out of interest, why choose the name 'alwayswrong'?

Your father has no right to shout at you, that is verbal agression, uncalled for no matter how angry he is. It is possible to calmly and firmly say you feel angry because of x y and z. Did he always set such a good example at home? Your mother could have listened to you when you told her your dc likes and dislikes of food. Who is the mother? You or her? As for saying you hate her...hurtful yes, but I'm guessing there is much more to this than some mince?

I have a very odd relathionship with My parents in partic my Mum.I love them both very much but boy do they get on my nerves sometimes.So I do feel for you..Maybe write to them?This will allow you to put your side of things down in a considered way and not confuse things by getting upset, (or like I do, so mad that you cry then get even madder becuse you cant say what you wanted to say in the first place!)Then they can choose to accept it or not I suppose.But if you keep the tone of the letter friendly and even then they should just let it go?Maybe?

It is so hard when paretns come for a long visit,my parents live in Canada and usually come for 2 weeks and by the end of it things are quite strained.
I think you should send your parents some flowers,apologise for saying you hate them ,let things lie for a while and try again in a months time.

Thanks for the new messages.

My parents have always been at best difficult.

They have always tried to control my life and now we are so far away they don't like it because they can't.

It is true there is more to this than just the mince.

It doesn't matter what I do or say I am always wrong hence the name.

They treat me like I am still a child rather than an adult. My dh sees it too.

If they don't get their own way over things they rant and rave down the phone at me.

I guess previously I just took it but now I have children of my own, I know its wrong and hope to never treat my children in the same way.

I had a brief first marriage and when my exdh and I split up (no children), they were not sympathetic to me, but went on and on about how upset they were and how could my exdh have done this to them. They never gave me the support that I needed and although it all happened about 16 years ago, I feel as if this is where most of my anger with them stems from. I stayed with them for about 2 days, before I had enough of my mothers weeping and wailing and went back to my own home.

My mother cries at the drop of a hat and my father mollycoddles her. He does everything for her, whilst she sits in a chair all day watching Loose Women & quiz shows. My dh thinks its hilarous that she cannot work any electric gadget but knows her way around our tv remote control perfectly.

There is more but I would be here all day.

I think you should wait to calm down and then phone to speak to them. Not having them around and then having them stay for so long must have been hard.

You don't get to choose your parents and as much as they get on your nerves they are your parents. Imagine if one or both of them were no longer around. How would you feel? If you have issues from the past you should find a way to talk about them.

I hope you work it out with them. Parents that get on your nerves are better than no parents at all.

So alwayswrong (perhaps you should be sometimeswrongsometimesright?) if your a 'local' you will know the Stately homes thread? You don't have to divorce your parents to be on there...just get what support you need, and have a good vent.

As for calling your dad back...you don't have to. You don't have to answer the phone if you don't want to. Have you got caller ID? I know how awful those phonecalls are where a parent churns out all this bile about you...and your left shaking and hurt and angry. But happily you are an adult and you can survive without them. So surely the relationship is on your terms now? Not theirs? Don't let them treat you like this. You have a right to be spoken to respectfully...I don't care if the queen of sheba is on the phone, verbal aggression is a horrible form of attack and leaves you emotionally battered. No one, but no one should put up with that. Even from a parent.

Hope you get some sleep tonight...

BTW...who is mad table cloth woman?

My mother cries at the drop of a hat and my father mollycoddles her. He does everything for her, whilst she sits in a chair all day watching Loose Women & quiz shows. My dh thinks its hilarous that she cannot work any electric gadget but knows her way around our tv remote control perfectly.

OMG. I could have written that about my mother. She is always the victim and always cried about how she feels when in truth, someone else is hurting more.

It's hard, I have no advice. You either pander to her but that upsets you or you stand up to them, and that upsets you.

Families eh?

my mil is like this too, but fil is controlling too

the only thing we found works is by being assertive over decisions we have made, because if we pandered to them and did things there way, yes they would be very happy and think i was wonderful but i would be soooo unhappy as would dh. you have to do what is right for you and your family now not do things to please them, a hard thing to do i know