Sister relationship has changed.

[Notgivingup54]

My sister and I are both in our 50's. We have always been close, holidaying together, days out, Christmas's together, looked after each other's children, pets etc, we've always been together. Our mum always reinforced the importance of family and we as a family, always stuck together. Our mum passed away last year and our sibling relationship has changed, on both sides. Neither of us have much inclination to invite each other to anything and we have quite quickly, drifted apart. It's almost as if our relationship died, when our mum died. It's not fair to blame anyone as I myself haven't been inviting her to things and she hasn't me, it's like an unspoken, mutual decision that we don't have to do everything together anymore. We haven't fallen out or argued. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

Sorry to hear about your mum.

Get in touch with your sister, I'm sure she'll be pleased to hear from you. Meet for a cuppa as you don't have to do anything special to get that connection going again. Do you know that she's okay?

I agree with @Notaboutthebass about making contact and meeting up. Your post made me feel sad as it sounds like you were so close and if there's no reason why you've drifted it would make sense to reconnect.

@Notaboutthebass good idea tbh. We haven't really spoken about the changes & maybe one of us just needs to be brave enough to raise it.

Sorry for your loss op. Yes maybe suggest a coffee or cinema might break the ice a bit.

It's normal. Mums often hold families together. You and your sister have lost your dynamic; you have to start from the beginning, and build a new one. I think that's why fixing the problem doesn't always happen. Accepting that mum has gone, and life carries on without her, is hard, and sometimes it's easier to turn away from accepting it.

Sorry about your mum. Give your sister a buzz.

Similar situation here. My mum, my sister and I have lived in the same town for 20 years until my mum died last year. I thought her death might bring my sister and me closer but it hasn’t. I feel we were close in terms of doing family events together but my sister has never shared any feelings with me except for worries over her children on occasion. I have tried messaging and called round a few times but she doesn’t reciprocate. She does live a busy life with work, children, grandchildren etc. we weren’t close as sisters growing up. She never seemed to want me around. I was probably annoying younger sister. It’s sad but I’ve kind of accepted it is what it is now and have reduced any hopes/expectations about our relationship now.

When our father died nearly two years ago my sister and I found that we grieved differently. If I was feeling low I didn’t reach out to her because I didn’t want to upset her and bring her down if she was feeling ‘ok’ and vice versa. I felt that avoiding each other meant not having to address my feelings and grief.