Therapy

[BlastedPimples]

I am getting divorced. It was a shitty marriage.

I am delighted to be getting divorced.

I am having therapy to help me deal with the aftermath.

The therapist I have doesn't really discuss what happened. She wants to go to hypnosis and use this pointer stick for me to focus on in silence.

I'm sure it's valid for some but I really really want to talk about what happened during the marriage. Sometimes I am filled with rage. Or self pity. Or I am just miserable. Or all of the above.

Most importantly, it's all paralysing me even a year on from when we officially split. I can't get my act together and I have dcs I need to be there for.

This therapist asks me what I am feeling, how I feel from 1-10, where the feeling is sitting and then progresses to the pointer stick exercise and then a relaxation exercise or hypnosis. Regardless of what number I give her about my feelings, she does the same thing every session. Afterwards, she asks me the same questions again. I've had four sessions now.

Is it unhealthy of me to want to go over what happened? I think I need a new therapist.

I think you do to.
Have you tried writing it down?

She isn't the right therapist. Look for someone BACP or UKCP registered, with robust training. A properly trained and ethical therapist would either do what you ask, or refer you on if they can't. Telling your story can be a really important part of healing. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

She is registered with all those bodies. It's where I found her. She's very nice but not what I need.

She should have suggested you see someone else. What modality is she? I have never heard of the approach you have outlined

What reasons can you think of for why you ought to see/pay this person again?

Give us a list.

Sounds like EMDR to me. In NICE guidelines for PTSD. Can be very helpful for working on trauma memories and can be used to work on attachment problems that stem from childhood and other invalidating environments. But needs to be done properly Is therapist accredited with an EMDR body specifically like EMDR UK or EMDR Europe not just BACP?

Ah! Thanks for that. It doesn't sound as though that is what is needed here. They should have proper EMDR quals to practice this, and I am surprised they are doing it if it wasn't requested.
OP, I would look for another therapist. This clearly isn't working for you

Ummm this sounds like badly administered EMDR to me, it's not hypnosis and the NICE guidelines are pretty clear on what the evidence suggests it is effective for. It sounds like you're having such a hard time at present, please raise this with your therapist or perhaps find someone new to work with.

I would suggest you be honest with her and tell her you feel it's not the correct modality for you at this time.
I would then suggest you use Psychology Today or Counselling Directory to find someone offering either person centred, compassion focused or CBT.
They can be registered with BACP, BABCP or COSCA (depending on where you stay, all of these are as valid as each other with regards to checking qualifications etc. Good luck x

Thank you all very much for solid advice.

My friend is a therapist and says that you should shop for a therapist like you would for a pair of new shoes - try a few for size and see who you feel most comfortable with.

I was exactly in your shoes, divorcing and needed to unpack my hurt, resentment and anger from my marriage.

I looked for a chartered clinical psychologist. Expensive but it was what I needed at the time. She helped me validate my experience, and undo the headfuck from my ex.

good Luck

I tried therapy and had exactly the same experience as you and with the pointer stick too. Did she call it brain spotting? I also wanted to talk about what had happened but my therapist seemed to want to go straight to the pointer stick. I also found it frustrating that she didn't seem to read her notes on what we discussed last time before commencing another session, so I would have to repeat things a lot that we had covered the previous week. I had three sessions and stopped because it didn't seem to be helping and was very expensive. I've found some new therapists to try though, so I'm going to move on and try someone new.

I'm a therapist too and agree wholeheartedly with your friend.

Is it EMDR? It doesn't really sound like it but if it is you should have had talk sessions before EMDR with that therapist, she shouldn't have jumped straight to EMDR.

Whatever mode of therapy it is you should surely have had talk sessions first so that the therapist knows what they're working with.

What does the therapist say the therapy is called? Have you told the therapist you want to talk about things?

Go see someone else!

Have you asked her what approach she is practising? It sounds very unusual/ specific, and not what I would consider the normal format for most types of therapy. You would usually talk for most of the session. Maybe she is a hynotherapist which isn't what you want, by the sound of it.

You also don't actually have to be a qualified counsellor to practise hypnotherapy, so be careful there!

I would recommend going back to the BACP website and find a psychodynamic therapist.

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/using-our-therapist-directory/?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-62tBhDSARIsAO7twbYivqq4hxqvwr0XUB9EEbD57bUT6yBiz9rxdQM62iWaH6JR_JB7x_UaAhTjEALw_wcB