Losing the one you love

[MrNostalgia]

Hi, thanks for reading. My story is age old, a relationship breakdown after 6 years. It has been a month now and it has got a wee bit easier I suppose. Just hoping someone has some magic out there to help. I have been struggling with depression for a long time and so this has hit me hard. Happy to go into details should anyone want to know.
Wishing everyone the best x

A month is not long to come to terms with this, so if you are feeling even a little better at this stage, that's a very good sign.

Firstly you need at least 6 months to get over it or accept it, so go easy.

Secondly, loosing the one you love is shit, but we love more than once in reality, there will be another “one” eventually.

Thank you

I have started sessions with my therapist who I had been to previously before I met my partner to try and help myself.
Am I kidding myself that even if I am improve she would ever consider me coming back? She had made it very clear she wants to be on her own. I wasn't a good partner. Had depression and was very negative about where we lived and gave up doing things together other than walk the dog. I would be moody and I guess she didn't see a bright future with me.
All very well in hindsight, even if I really knew it at the time, but everything seemed so screwed up I just couldn't change. She was incredibly patient, but not surprisingly, the patience ran out. It is so hard to consider life without such a good and kind person. Miss her terribly.
Am I kidding myself that down the line she would ever reconsider?

it sounds to me like you shouldn’t be in a relationship. By your own admission you’re not a good partner, you were negative and didn’t want to do anything, so it’s quite easy to see why her patience ran out. Do as she asks and leave her alone. Your relationship didn’t make you or her happy. Use the time to work on yourself. Go and see a GP to find opportunities to improve your mental health, seek therapy to work out why you were a bad partner, exercise, eat well and treat yourself kindly. And no, I can’t imagine she would want to get back you - why would she?

Thank you for your words and honesty. Hurts, but thanks and all the best

Don’t despair, OP. See your GP about the depression, and persevere with medication if it is prescribed because the dose may need fine-tuning. Work with your therapist to change your outlook. Take energetic exercise. and take up activities that brighten your life. Keep trying different things to find what works for you.

If it was in other ways a good relationship for her, she may still have feelings that could revive when you show you have pulled yourself out of depression. You’ll be a much more attractive companion.

But do it for yourself. Whether you get back with your ex or not, it’s worth the effort of climbing out of moodiness and gloom.

Best of luck.

Thank you so much for your advice.

You said she's made it very clear she wants to be on her own. Please respect her wishes.

I will. I want her to be happy. She had enough trauma before me. She is such a lovely person and yes, we had 6 years and so many good times, but in between, my issues would cause problems.
I will contact my new GP and asked to be assessed and also see my therapist weekly. It's going to be a long road back.

Just reaching out to anyone who has been in a similar situation. I'm pretty sure time will heal me to some degree, but this is so hard. Left my love, my home 150 miles away and my job.
Spend a lot of time with my folks who have been so good. Have good friends. Walking the dog. See the therapist once a week. Taking my anti depressants, but am in the deepest black hole I've ever been. Would give it all up to be with the woman I love and be the better man she had at first and deserves, but that isn't realistic.

It does get easier with time, it might not feel like that now but just keep taking one day at a time and the hurt will eventually fade. Nothing in life is permanent, if you try to accept life’s changes then your suffering may ease.

I agree with other posters, I think you should try to improve your mental health for you, because you want to be happier and more resilient. Maybe you will get back with your ex, maybe you will find someone else or maybe you will find you prefer your own company! It doesn’t sound like the right time to be thinking of that, try to get better first.

Thank you so much