Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

House so quiet w/one child! It feels not fair on him!

34 replies

Thefirstime · 20/01/2024 08:50

Our house is so quiet, maybe too much for my 4y/o boy

it’s very boring - he has toys and garden but constantly wants to watch tv!!!

his dad is at work until just after 5 each day.. he comes home from school and watched tv then on the weekend I’m trying to do more stuff/activities..

what’s the answer here??

dog? I don’t want another baby!!

no one seems to do play dates.. so neither do we..

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 20/01/2024 09:03

I'm an only and I had an only. We both love our alone time.

When my DS was 4 he didn't have playdates but that soon changed. He did have neighbor friends which helped. Our house was always available for his friends to come over or stay. As a result he made a strong group of friends some of which he's still close to as an adult.

As much as he was sociable he loved the time when it was just me and him.

Maybe you could invite a friend over for tea after school?

Crishell · 20/01/2024 09:17

I'm not sure I see the issue really. Nothing wrong with a quiet house. Could he do a couple of clubs after school?
That said he's only 4. He'll be shattered after school. Seems fine to me that he watches a bit of TV

Unbloched · 20/01/2024 09:18

What does he want to do afterschool? If your DH is at work are you at home with him- what do you do together after school? In terms of play dates it often takes someone to break the ice as it were, if you're happy to have children into your home just ask their parents and see what they say; if you aren't fussed about it being returned ie him going to theirs just say that when you ask.

Pixiedust49 · 20/01/2024 09:20

I have an only and at that age she rarely watched tv. Always on the go and making a noise. Maybe he’s just a quiet little boy? Nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different.

Divebar2021 · 20/01/2024 09:25

This sounds like a bit of a non problem to me…. If you’re at home do some activities ( arts, crafts, Lego) or sign him up for a couple of classes like swimming lessons.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/01/2024 09:26

If you take him to the playground after school, or run chores etc, you will only get home shortly before his father.

But I get the feeling it is you more than your son who finds it quiet being at home when just the two of you are there? To him it will be perfectly normal, and a bit of TV for a four year old after a day at school will do no harm.

As the days are getting longer, find out which of the children who don't go to after-school club he plays with, and suggest a quick playground visit to that child's parent. If that goes well, progress to the occasional after school playdate at home.

Mojodojocasahaus · 20/01/2024 09:27

I used to worry about this too op. I agree that clubs/activities are a good way forward.
Football, cricket, beavers when he’s older, making a real effort with play dates at the weekend.
If everyone was busy we’d just go where there were other kids like the park or softplay.
He went to nursery and grandparents and I’m sure he was fine and it was just me worrying unnecessarily about him feeling lonely.

Indifferentchickenwings · 20/01/2024 11:55

There are many things worse than a quiet house

so many !

when school starts and hobbies start etc time will start to fill

and then the quiet time will be more of a respite

Smartiepants79 · 20/01/2024 12:08

Ate you able to have kids over to play? If so, do that. Not many of my kids friends chose to invite them over but we’re always eager for them to come to us. It’s doesn’t have to be a reciprocal thing if that doesn’t bother you ( it didn’t bother me)
Clubs?
Being quiet doesn’t have to mean screens!

perfectcolourfound · 20/01/2024 13:10

Maybe that's how he likes it? Do you do activities? Make things? Play a games? Sit quietly and look at a book?

We don't all like noise and constant activity.

Being able to entertain yourself / be comfortable in quiet are huge life skills, and children who learn to do that are at an advantage.

Your situation sounds fairly normal. Don't worry!

Xatz63 · 20/01/2024 15:36

I cannot tell you how guily I used to feel having one child .I was unable to have any more . However I always made my home open to his friends .he played with neighbours kids and as he went through school Lots of kids walked through my door .
But he also liked his quiet time doing what he wanted to do .you do not have to fill his time.
My son is now 30 and he is a happy ,loving adult who has happy memories of his childhood you sound like a lovely mum just enjoy the time you have with him x

LBFseBrom · 20/01/2024 17:04

Thefirstime · 20/01/2024 08:50

Our house is so quiet, maybe too much for my 4y/o boy

it’s very boring - he has toys and garden but constantly wants to watch tv!!!

his dad is at work until just after 5 each day.. he comes home from school and watched tv then on the weekend I’m trying to do more stuff/activities..

what’s the answer here??

dog? I don’t want another baby!!

no one seems to do play dates.. so neither do we..

This will change as he grows older. I had one child and I suppose it was fairly quiet early on - but not for long! For years it was the opposite of quiet with friends coming round, sometimes staying overnight, and fun. I used to wonder when I would ever have my house to myself :-). Don't worry, presumably he goes to school/kindergarten and mixes with other children there and he won't be the only 'only' child in his year. As long as he is happy and loved, he'll be fine. Do fun, educational things with him at home and he will thrive!

soberfabulous · 20/01/2024 17:07

I'm a very happy only raising a very happy only.

We love our calm quiet house, in fact DD (aged 10) always asks to come home when we've been anywhere noisy as she loves to relax and be at peace.

LBFseBrom · 20/01/2024 17:08

Just to add, there are some really good children's programmes on television. As a retired person, I have occasionally watched them and been impressed :-). They don't insult kids' intelligence, are amusing and engaging. Of course you have to be discerning and put some limits on screen time but TV can be good, and educational.

PaperDoIIs · 20/01/2024 17:09

Our house was never quiet with just one as she was a whirlwind. She also dragged me in whatever nonsense she got up to.

Why don't YOU kickstart the playdates? DD never got invited until we had a few people over a couple of times and then the floodgates opened. Even if she didn't get invited back, I didn't really mind as she had someone else to entertain her.

NewName24 · 20/01/2024 17:35

Get in the habit of going via the park on the way home

Invite a friend round to play now and then - doesn't matter what other people 'seem to do'

Sign him up for swimming lessons one day a week.

Involve him in cooking the meal or do some baking once a week

Chilling out in front of TV is also alright sometimes.

WinterSnowFox · 20/01/2024 17:47

So no play dates at all? Do family not have children? Cousins? Etc

fisky · 20/01/2024 17:49

I have a sociable only and I do make sure that every day (within reason) has a social aspect. Unless she's ill / exhausted/ asks not to I do get a play date sorted.

cestlavielife · 20/01/2024 17:50

He s been at school all day
Give him a break

Goldbar · 20/01/2024 18:35

What do you do? What is the set-up here? Are you a SAHM or do you work too? Because this will affect how much you can do.

My first was an only child for five years, though we've since had a second. If you want your DS to have interaction with other children, then your choices are (i) arrange playdates or meet-ups with other children, or (ii) take him to places where other children will be present - the park, playgrounds, soft play. If you want to enjoy your peaceful, serene house, then do just that 😁- he'll find stuff to do. If you think he's watching too much TV, might be helpful to "lose" the remote.

Original poster
Thefirstime · 20/01/2024 20:44

Thanks all.. I often suggest going to the park after school on occasion but he will say he’s tired and had a long day (4 going on 14!) 😂 he loves the relax and the calm atmosphere at home - he just gravitates to the tv everyday after school, which I don’t mind but we’re in such a routine of it.. we let him watch about an hour or so..

he doesn’t ask for friends over.. i don’t mind too much but have hosted a bit when he was small and nothing back.. I’ve come to
realise it’s not a popular thing to do! It seems rare that people have an “open house” or invite back..

I’ll introduce after school activities when he’s bit older..

feeling bad right now for not having more kids but unfortunately I suffered badly with PTSD and anxiety that it’s too much of a risk.. (also tough time in general with a few things)

I get him involved in things..

the holidays/half terms are a struggle!

so lovely to hear only children growing up to be well rounded, lovely humans.. I’ve heard negative things from some family (spoilt/not sociable) and it’s driving me nuts..

OP posts:
fisky · 20/01/2024 21:39

But, asking politely, what does it matter if people don't invite back? There's a million reasons why parents don't invite back - house full of kids, house is being renovated /messy etc. obviously kids won't come over if they don't want to but most parents are glad to hand over for a play date and it means your kid can have someone to play with. All that said obviously it's lovely to have a calm house and my DD loves it too.

NewName24 · 20/01/2024 22:03

but have hosted a bit when he was small and nothing back.. I’ve come to
realise it’s not a popular thing to do!

The thing is, contrary to typical behaviour by many MN posters, it doesn't have to be reciprocal thing. If you want your ds to be playing with other dc after school, then you have to be willing to host without it necessarily being a turn taking thing.
When my dc were small, they would be in after school care. If a friend wanted them to come and play, I did what I could to facilitate it (still paying the afterschool care even though they weren't using it) but I couldn't invite them back the next week, as I would still be at work after school. The fact that I couldn't host back in a tit for tat way, doesn't mean it wouldn't have been appreciated as a nice thing for the other parent to do.

Unbloched · 21/01/2024 06:33

Regarding play dates I wouldn't stop inviting people because they don't reciprocate- could be plenty of reasons why! Also if he's tired after school and enjoys relaxing in front of the telly for an hour then I don't see the issue, sounds like a good way to unwind.

We have one DC and for balance one of my siblings was a heroine addict who abused me when I was a teen as who as an adult I am zero contact with but still makes life for thr rest of the family hell which affects my relationships with them also. Not all sibling relationships are lovely, and although mine is extrene and unusual I suspect I don't feel one iota of guilt for not giving them a sibling; neither should you!

TheaBrandt · 21/01/2024 06:38

Odd there’s no play dates where you live. I wonder if people over think them and think they have to make lots of effort/ lay on activities when really the point is the kids muck about together.