I just need to vent!

[Naz110]

Hey all!!

I feel so angry, annoyed and frustrated!
So.. this morning I wake up, sort my little one out i.e take her toilet, brush her teeth and so on..

I go to the kitchen make breakfast for my daughter and dh.
We have breakfast together and I pick up all the dishes and wash them! While I am doing this my husband is on his phone on social media with his feet up, completely oblivious to anything going on.
Anyway now I'm feeling annoyed as he wasn't helping me! I then start tidying up the living room after washing up.. I do the hoover and and then get the mop out.. do that also..
But he still sitting there on his phone.. completely disconnected from everything im doing ..
He then shows me his phone 'oh look at this video'
I give him the look and walk off!
Now I dont feel like talking to him or even looking at him.. and he can't understand why I'm in a big strop! Does anyone else's dh do this? How do you deal with it?
There is something called care and love and I dont feel that!
Is this a marriage breaker guys.?

Heya, it’s probably one of those days. hopefully you manage to make some me time and treat yourself something nice!

I don’t think is marriage breaker and I think it’s pretty common.

i found men just wired differently. It’s frankly not obvious to him you need help, because you didn’t spell it all out eg need him to clear the dishes AND put into dishwasher. Or hoover the living room AND the hallway AND…😐 Like almost listed out every single step.

i found they like the sense of achievement of taking the boxes from the to do list.

I believe men when they sit down think nth. They really think nth lol

At times, when I asked for help with chores - my husband would say yes but not done it right away or risking too late then he will say do next day. Then I would gone mad ask him to do it. Then he be like the more you ask me to do it, I won’t do it. And the spiral of fights continue. Until I don’t talk to him. Then if I am REALLY not happy, he is not happy and will make up for it. This pattern normally happen say when I am on period.

this is just one of my example and I am sure there are stories worse than mine.

you might be burning out. Take a breather. Eat sth nice. Communicate with your husband. Work it out together.

hope it helps!!

Don’t go into a strop. It’s counterproductive. Tell him to get off his phone and off his arse and do some work.

You both live there and should both be cleaning. Make a list of what needs doing, discuss it and divide up the work. Don't do it all, you're not the bloody maid.

Men are not wired differently, they are raised differently (in many cases). Tell him you aren't his bloody mother so to get off his lazy arse and pull his weight.

Why do you let him sit around doing nothing while you're rushing doing everything? Be clear about what he can do around the house, if he hasn't figured it out for himself yet.

And please don't think of it as him "helping you out", he has 50% responsibility for everything that needs doing.

Don’t strop, it’s fine to be pissed off, I would be annoyed too BUT use your words! Talk to him, you feel it’s should be obvious why you are upset with him, but clearly it’s not obvious to him since he doesn’t seem to understand…so tell him!

Men are not wired differently, they are raised differently

@Glenthebattleostrich Just take a look at research into how the brain is wired/ how the brain behaves because of the difference between XX chromosomes and XY chromosomes - it's interesting

Did you ask him at any point to pitch in? Or just martyr yourself?

@Dotty87 agree about not using the phrase “helping you out”. I sometimes need to correct myself too.

Sit on your phone -feet up. Til he notices

Is he going to do his bit later? Me and dp are often sat down at different times while the other does chores. We don't have to both do chores at the same time, as long as they get done, with an evenish split!

I've become very conscious of this in recent years, if it's his home too he is equally responsible.

Give him jobs, so he has to contribute

Why can't be see for himself what needs doing?
My DH and I share the house work. Half each.

It isn't a case of me giving him jobs, to "help me out".
We're equally responsible.

Thank you for the replies guys xx

I thinks its more about him noticing that I'm doing it and he should help me out. I'm just sick and tired of nagging and saying things all the time! I'm sick of my own voice.
If I say to him, to help he will happily do it however why can't he just see it!

@Greensleevevssnotnose
Exactly my thoughts, if I'm drowning with chores why can't he see it.
Like if the floor is a mess he will happily sit there.. until I say 'oh can you hoover that' and he'll do it but it feels like he's doing me a favour! Buts its his bloody house too!

Make getting your little one ready in the morning his responsibility, breakfast his job. You tidy up mop etc. He shouldn't then need to be told every time. Or sit beside him on your phone.

Honestly, it's not something that I would accept. We do the cleaning and tidying on a Saturday and we each know the rooms we are responsible for. If something needs doing before Saturday I might say could you put a wash in please whilst I wipe the bathroom over. I wouldn't just be resentful of doing stuff I'd ask him to contribute.

Stop making him breakfast for starters. Is he your husband or your child?

if you’re doing everything for him of course he’s going to sit back and put his feet up.

be more direct instead of walking about huffing. Say to him “can you clear these dishes” once you’re all finished or “let’s start tidying up, I’ll do the dishes you can hoover and clear in here”

Stop all cooking, cleaning and laundry except what's necessary for you and the baby.

Use your words OP.
Communication is key here.
You shouldn't have the ask him to help, but obviously need to.

I'd add that many men cannot help a competition. Try something like "I bet you can't vacuum the living room before I've made breakfast", and I'd wager you'll get a different response from him.

Yes, and when he's done you can reward him with some chocolate buttons and a star on his chart

Men need things to be explained to them. Just explain how you feel.

Why are you expecting him to read your mind. You huff and sigh, give him looks, but don't open you mouth and say 'do some bloody chores'
We get what we settle for