Met a guy via OLD 5 months ago.
Really hit it off and have had a fab 5 months together.
There were a few red flags but nothing too sufficient to walk away from on their own. But all added up together plus an incident at the weekend where he was really quite unpleasant/gaslighting meant I ended the relationship on Monday.
I did it via text (not something I would usually do, and I feel horrible about it but I hadn’t thought we’d be breaking up and after his behaviour it was an instinctive reaction)
There have been a few messages since, largely civil, tonight I dropped some things back, he wasn’t in so I left them on his doorstep.
Ive just had a really angry message.
I feel very justified in my decision but also really guilty that I’ve hurt him, I also really miss him.
Gaslighting, and potentially cheating, are so alien to me, it’s just not something I would do and I feel so hurt someone could do it to me (or to anyone come to that) My ex prior to him gaslit me but that was at the end of a 6 year turbulent relationship (not that it’s ever justified but I can sort of see how it happened and it didn’t have any lasting impact - I was just so relieved to be rid of him!). This one had always been otherwise good.
He’s so angry with me, yet I want to go back and try and make it better and apologise. Which makes me angry at myself.
Ive felt so much more settled overall, the crippling anxiety I’ve had the last month or so has been gone so overall and with my sensible logical head on I know it’s right and in a few weeks/months I’ll be ok. And I know messaging him to say how much I’m hurting too is such a bad idea. But why oh fuckety why do I just want a cuddle from him?!