I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had a baby last year, I felt he’s always treated me right. He’s had a lot to put up with as I have a few physical conditions but also mental too. I’ve had trust issues and at the start he was supportive when I did have insecurities.
I was cheated on in last relationship which was also 4 years, found out on my birthday. As he had left Facebook open on one of the tabs. I have tried to get counselling and did online but since been diagnosed BPD. I wish I could trust in this relationship too. I know trust is important and most would go if you can’t trust break up and not healthy. The reason in this relationship when we were first dating and in bed together there was a girl on his WhatsApp, I said whose that?
he went quiet and then said “it’s my sisters friend” I didn’t believe it and questioned him on it at time. He then changed it to it was someone from online dating and they were just talking about politics. I felt upset that he lied, I don’t think we were a proper couple at this point so I suppose I couldn’t be too upset but he had in this timeframe asked me to be his girlfriend and I hadn’t said yes yet.
There was then an occassion which because of this at start, I had doubts and checked phone. Found a girl on his snapchat when he had deleted all the others. They hadn’t spoken in months but yet he kept the chat for some reason not removing her. I know there was pics in that! She was abroad and again from online but at that time he couldn’t give me a reason why he hadn’t deleted her. He then deleted snapchat (I know many would go at that age but we had met online and it was a good way to chat prior to)
I know at this point people would say why would I or why would I not leave at this point or may say over reaction if I did, I guess love and how he treated me otherwise. He has always cared and I am his first girlfriend. He’s been patient with me and the conditions I have. We have so much in common. And I’m greatful.
Other than these occasions we have only really fell out if he’s went to the pub and not text or phoned as when we dated at the start and prior to meeting as he’s a smoker he would be out phoning me every chance (not me asking him to but just felt it was different then)
(I have also worried because there is a girl one time when I was there, where he nudged at the bar in a jokingly way and she goes often) I know it sounds extreme but my reaction was because he says hes awful around girls but it seemed flirty in a way as she was no where near in his way.
Lately he was on instagram and girls had popped up on the explore page, I had said about how it shows what you engage with and he said oh it also shows this team i don’t support so, then brushed over it. I brought it up next day and he said I was paranoid and so what? Because most men follow models and he doesn’t. He just looks, and he will go on their page if attractive. I said did he know it would upset me because of prior and he went yes, I said it would be silly to break up over this but the things in the past and now and because we hardly have any intimacy, even prior to baby and he said it was laziness on his part. I know he doesn’t message or likes them, he just looks. Along with that since moving to his hometown I have no family here. His is all within 10 mins and mines is over 3 hours away and I feel so isolated. His mum only wants to take her grandchild and never speaks to me more than 5 mins. She likes babysitting at her house and other family come visit there like his cousins. His family are aware I have mh and I have invited for coffee in pasy with mum but got excuse.
She doesn’t seem interested in getting to know me as often just interacts with grandchild and blanks or small talk.
I have said to partner could we not move inbetween half way but he said I knew I’d have to move here.
I’m unsure whether to break up as we have a daughter, I know many break up but my parents breaking up had a lot on me and I know I still love my partner but the trust, I think we all want the happy family and we have a house that’s beautiful. i’d also probably end up having to move back with parents even though we’re joint tenants! :(