I need to get my sex drive back

[hulted]

I'm really stressed.

Been with DP for 5 years. Mid-20s. For over a year now, my sex drive has been zero. Blood tests done - all fine.

It's causing a huge issue in our relationship now and I just hate myself for it. I'm still attracted to DP but I just genuinely can't think of anything worse than having sex. It's really affecting him.

Every time he brings it up, I have an excuse. We must have had sex like 7 times the entire of 2023. The thought of pushing myself through it (or the times I have pushed myself through it) just make me want to scream and tear myself out of my own skin, I usually just end up in tears. It's the strangest thing.

Can anyone help?

How are you with other intimacy (not full sex)
cuddling, holding hands, kissing etc?

@DelightfulDoris love it. Just want to cuddle and hold hands all of the time.

I do like kissing but I feel as though I'm reluctant to ever kiss now incase DP thinks it'll lead somewhere!

If you're using hormonal contraception come off it.
If the lack of drive began after you stopped using hormonal contraception then you're most likely not genetically compatible.

Have you got children? Had a baby? Stress maybe? It’s odd if you actually fancy your boyfriend. Do you enjoy sex once you start? Maybe you need to stop worrying and overthinking it, or go on holiday together

@ToBeOrNotToBee I am on it actually. I may need to try coming off it - I'm just terrified of heavy periods again coming off the pill!

@3sausagedogs yes, got DC. Definitely stressed, but even still, it seems a long time to have zero drive.

I don't enjoy sex once started... quite the opposite, it makes me want to cry and I get agitated. I know it's really strange, it's getting me down so much.

Come off the hormonal contraception, how are you with toys? Using them regularly may help.

Oral contraceptive pill is well known for killing labido unfortunately.

Will definitely try coming off hormonal contraception.

@Fairylightfurore never tried toys

It would be sad if you felt you needed to adjust your hormones or take medications just to make your partner happy. You might have a very low or no sex drive (asexual) usually? You can be asexual at the base level but temporarily have a libido during the formation of a relationship. There might well be nothing to fix.

How old are your DC? Could it be PND or just depression? Therapy may help you understand what's behind the revulsion.

I think if the contraception change doesn't work, seek some counselling because this looks more than libido. There are some pretty strong emotions going on for you once it's started up, I think you could do with exploring that and talking it through with someone.
How does your DP react when you get upset trying it? Is he sympathetic?

How was the birth of your child(en)? Sometimes a traumatic experience can put you off, and an aversion to sex is your body’s way of avoiding another pregnancy.

You could be me.
in my case I’m on some fairly strong medication for a heart condition and am menopausal on top, but I would actually breathe a sigh of relief if I never had to have sex again.

I’m the same op. I’m 39 though. Dh hasn’t actually got the biggest sex drive himself luckily so I don’t get pestered but I do “want” to do it when he suggests it but I don’t “want” to. Like my head does but my body doesn’t AT ALL! There is nothing!
I know mine is the combined pill. Had the implant since I had Dd 6+ years ago and been fine but this last time I kept bleeding constantly and skin was really bad so I had it out and went on the pill. Them problems have gone, in fact skin is best it’s ever been but I now couldn’t give a shit if I ever had sex again.
I’m sick of trying different contraceptives and them not suiting for one reason or another.