Apologies title got cut off - should be cynicism over DP’s compliments
Me and DP (we’re both women) have been together just over a year and all feels really lovely. We’re both divorcees.
During one of our very early dates, DP told me she’d dated one other person before me for a couple of months but circumstances meant it didn’t work out. She then compared us by saying this date had been much more confident than me - e.g immediately gave her a hug on meeting, whilst I seemed more shy - and that, to quote, “it was more based on pure lust - it wasn’t like that with you, I found you attractive but didn’t have such a strong primal reaction.”
I think she’s regretted saying that since. On the one hand I know this was very early, before we both got serious “feels” and appreciated her transparency. However, that comment in addition to what I’ve picked up about this ex since - that they had one date then the second was basically “come over to mine and shag”, which she agreed to despite, she says, not being a person who doesn’t do hook-ups; that they dated for two months and it ended because she was working all the time and struggled to see my DP (and when she did it was DP going to her place) and had a long-term terminal medical condition DO wasn’t willing to commit to becoming a career for (and even then it was DP who get dumped as opposed to doing the dumping); that only a fortnight later DP went on a date with me.
DP reassured me she fancies the pants off me and lusts after me now, etc. I do know this and recognise there’s much more in our relationship that makes us special.
But on the physical side, I’m still struggling with confidence. An example: DP told me when we first kissed she thought “why have I waited so long for this??” (Her ex-wife was apparently a very bad kisser). But my reaction wasn’t to be flattered. It was to think: “that doesn’t make sense because between your ex-wife and me was the confident woman you felt mad primal lust with - so surely the kisses couldn’t have been that bad, especially if, by her own admission, they were more lusty than us at a similar point? So I feel cynical and think she’s (white) lying about it.
I know people have wild flings that burn out quickly - but it’s harder when you find out that said fling only ended a fortnight before you started dating, that said fling had a more primal chemistry, that DP hadn’t wanted it to end and that reasons were logistic (medical conditions and workloads) rather discovering you didn’t get on in other ways than in bed. It’s hard not to feel like sloppy seconds.
I’m not insecure about the relationship as a whole - I know in terms of a full relationship we’ve so much going for us that’s special. But how do I give my head a wobble over the matter of being desired?