Gut feeling he's cheating

[rolwinnie]

Hello everyone, looking for advice and outside opinions on this as I don't want to talk to anyone about it irl.

Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 3 years. I'm 27, he's 25.

We have a great relationship, I love him and want to spend my life with him and he says he feels the same. We live together in a rented house and are saving for a house deposit. He tells me I'm beautiful every day, how much he loves me, wants children etc.

The only problem is, the last few days I have had this horrible gut feeling that he's cheating / doing something suspicious. There is absolutely no reason for me to be thinking this but I just do. We are together pretty much all the time, go on our phones infront of each other etc so it's not as if he's done anything for me to feel like this.

I just can't shake this gut feeling. Is a gut feeling ever wrong? Am I going crazy?! I just don't feel the best right now 

Of course gut feelings can be wrong! People are so often influenced by their subconscious, projecting things on others, transferring emotions from one situation to another...

You can not believe your gut without any other indication.

Doesn't mean your gut is always wrong either, but this just seems paranoid.

@Hbosh thank you for your reply, I think I needed to hear that.

Absolutely nothing has happened I just have this awful gut feeling, and people always say to always trust a gut feeling but I don't know how I can with absolutely no proof

It’s odd that this has only happened in the last couple of days. I was going to ask how your previous relationships were, but if you’ve managed 3 years with this one without worrying that he’s cheating I’d be wondering what has changed lately, even if only a tiny micro change that may not be perceptible.

I could tell from my XP’s demeanour the second he arrived at my house if he had something to tell me, even if it was just that he had found out that he had to go away for work. He found it quite unnerving!

@BigPussyEnergy thanks for your comment (love the name btw😆)

Previous relationship was 7 years and no issues, I was the one to end it (no cheating took place during that relationship) so it's not as if I have trauma from the past.

I really don't know what it is, he's not acting any differently. He's on his phone a lot, but doesn't hide it or anything. It's driving me insane because I have no clue why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden...

Hi OP, I really hope your gut feeling is wrong but in my situation my gut feeling was 100% right , he didn't physically cheat (so he says) but he was texting other girls in a way that he shouldn't of.

I had a strange gut feeling that would not leave and I was asking him every day was there someone else, he was telling me no every time and reassuring me that I was the love of his life and his best friend , he let me check his phone etc, 2 weeks later when he was sleeping I snooped through his phone and BOOM! He deleted all of the evidence but I'm very tech savvy and I got everything.

It kills me to think if I hadn't of found out how far would he of went.. I just KNEW! & he called me crazy every time.

It shocked me. He's the last person on this earth who I thought would be disloyal. He showed how much he loved and cared for me everyday.

I would like to add whilst he was doing this we were also looking at houses. Bizarre.

I hope this isn't the case for you OP. Sending love ❤️

You may have picked up on something almost imperceptible. So you can't put your finger on what it is that has created this sudden feeling that something isn't quite right.
But usually a gut feeling IS based on something not being quite as it should, but may be so insignificant you can't deduce what it actually is that isn't 'quite right'.
It could be something so simple, A slight change in his mannerisms, maybe something he is saying that feels different, maybe even the way he has said something, a change in tone even.
You have a gut feeling about something.
That does not of course mean anything is going on!
You are probably more alert now than normal because of this feeling, so if he is upto anything you'll likely start to notice other little things that otherwise you normally wouldn't.

Depends if there are reasons why the gut feelings are there. So think hard, you say there is no reason, but could you have subconsciously picked up on anything subtle? Do you have a planned date for the wedding? Is it fear of either marrying or not marrying? Have there been circumstance changes, like a new job or new group of friends?

@wishfulyf I am so sorry that happened to you, it must have been a real shock! I hope that you are doing ok now? It's weird how we get these gut feelings isn't it.

Did anything happen to make you suspicious? Like did the gut feeling come out of nowhere or was his behaviour making you feel as though something was up? Xx

Thanks for the comments all, I really appreciate it. Nothing different has happened, no changes in our lives and we haven't booked a date for the wedding yet.

I know it sounds stupid but there's just an awful feeling I have that somethings going to go wrong, which then gets me going down a dark hole of "how will I cope without him?" Or "how will I handle him being with someone else?" "What if she's better than me?"

I know this sounds batshit crazy and insecure, which is odd because I have always been a very confident person! I am not sure what's happening with me right now but it's driving me insane! X

I wonder if it's some sort of relationship ocd, maybe Google that and see if any of it resonates with you.

I struggle badly with anxiety, have done my whole life, it flits between health amd relationship anxiety mainly with some intrusive thoughts thrown in for good measure!!! One thing that really messes with my mind is the worry over whether something is a gut feeling or anxiety. I've spent years looking for the answer, but it seems to generally be distinguished by whether or not the feeling is a panicky one, or a calm sense of 'just knowing'. If you don't suffer from anxiety and this really has come out of nowhere then it's worth keeping an eye out, but with you saying your worries stem from a lot of what ifs, it sounds like it could be some sort of fear kicking in rather than a gut feeling.

Either way, even though I personally struggle, I still believe that our gut feelings should be listened to as they're rarely wrong. They should be listened to, but they need to be verified before any action in my opinion.

@rolwinnie This may or may not be applicable to you but when I lost my mum, I went through a massively insecure / paranoid period where I thought my DP was going to leave me. He is the most solid, loving and caring partner you could ask for but I cried every single day convinced he was making plans to leave. I was seeing a bereavement counsellor at the time and when I told her, she said that the reason I was feeling this way was because a fear of abandonment had instilled itself in me with my mum dying and I was terrified of the next closest person to me leaving too. It was all part of the grieving process. Looking back now I can see exactly what was going on but at the time it was terrifying and I was adamant he was about to pack his bags and go. We actually laugh about it now but it was very real and very scary at the time. Is there anything that has changed in your life which might have unsettled you or has made you feel less confident?

I could have written this !
infact I did, yesterday, I changed my name for it- I wrote it all out and then deleted it!

Amazing partner, together 3 years, absolutely nothing has changed but over the last few days I have an intense gut feeling that’s come from NOWHERE that somethings going on either physically or emotionally with someone else !

following your post ! 💐

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate the comments. It's nice to get my feelings out and speak to people about this!

This time last week everything was absolutely fine and I had no doubts at all.

Thinking of it, he goes to play darts every Tuesday in our local pub on Tuesdays with the men. I noticed last week that he was dressed nicely and wearing a lot of aftershave but didn't think anything of it. He plays darts at our local pub and has even asked me to come along so I highly doubt that it's anything to do with that.

I have absolutely no proof or evidence, he hasn't done anything to make me question him so I never would. I just wish this feeling would go away!

@NameChangeImEmbarassed I'm so sorry to hear your going through this too, it's a horrible feeling isn't it, just feel on edge and down about it all. It's scary how similar our dilemmas are!

Hope you are ok, and although I have no advice because we're in the same boat, there is some helpful comments on this thread xx

I literally experienced this exact thing. I had just had a baby though. The same week I gave birth he had dmd one of our colleagues ‘missin u 🥺’ raging off hormones obviously I contacted her NEVER DO THIS but she told me nothing happens or would ever happen which kinda gave me the ick. We are still together but it is my Roman Empire and has cause me to detach from him a little.

But do not check his phone if you aren’t prepared to leave because once you do it once you will want to do it every time to be sure. It’s a wild rabbit hold. I truly feel for you. I get the gut feelings too but when I express them he reassures me and sometimes that’s enough. SOMETIMES. Pick your battles.

@Didyouhearwhatisaid awww I'm so sorry that you went through that, that is absolutely awful. How he could have even thought about doing that, especially when you had just had a baby it's disgraceful.

I wrote this thread in January, we're still together and everything is great but I still sometimes have these doubts creep in. I think it could be anxiety on my part, as he tells me how much he loves me every day, calls me beautiful every day, talks about our future together how he wants to start a family etc. He also goes on his phone infront of me and is more than happy to leave his phone next to me when he leaves the room. There is literally not one thing that he does that would make me suspicious, but I still get the doubts as I don't think you can ever trust someone 100%!

I hope that you are doing ok now and thank you for sharing your experience xxx

You’re right you can’t trust someone 100% but it sounds like you’re on the right track and so is he. The thing is the What If but we can’t live according to that. We truly have to try and conquer our thoughts because we will convince ourselves of the craziest stories and that’s what the brain wants.

I hope you can find some happiness in this answer and work within to make sure you get it and thank you for the kind words