How often to call 24 yr old son?

[lovenotwar149]

My 24 yr old son moved out yesterday. First time living alone. He isn't living with anyone ,so quite alone. How often do people think is a good idea to call him? I'm just interested?

I don't have a set pattern of calling DS. We have lots of ongoing things between us; podcasts, movie franchises,rugby, his sisters/Dad (!) etc. and a shared sense of humour, so we often are in touch via Whatsapp/Insta/Snapchat.
In reality we probably 'virtually chat' every other day so I know he is ok.

I would keep it quite random
A quick message about a tv programme you both like
An invite round when you are making his favourite dinner
"I'm in the supermarket. That beer you like is on special, shall I get some, you can collect it Saturday"

That way you are setting a precedent that you contact each other 'as and when' and about anything, rather than waiting for 6pm Sunday and a pre-arranged phone call. Obviously, if you don't hear anything from him for some time, then a quick 'long time no see, everything ok?' Is in order.

We mostly WhatsApp, chat on the phone less frequently.

That depends on your son, the relationship between you, and whether he feels like he can tell you to stop calling so often or to call him more frequently.

Why can't you ask him?

I have a 20 year old in uni and we text each other randomly. Her boyfriend is expected to phone home every Sunday which I don’t think will work with us because we will probably forget the little things of interest. I see her in person every 6-8 weeks.

My son of roughly that age is not into phone calls at all, we WhatsApp , at random times , usually me starting the conversation if I’m honest . I know if I message him he can reply when it’s convenient and I don’t expect a reply even the same day . If for any reason I haven’t had something to tell him then he knows once a week I will send an even more random message just to keep in touch. I would never want it to be a chore though , hence no 6pm on a Sunday set call type things either .

I actually don’t know many people around that age who phone , my daughter will occasionally , but again we normally message . We do all see each other once a month too though , often more .

I have a group chat set up with my three adult sons who all live quite far away from me and we all just randomly chat, we add things as they come to us; venting about a rubbish day at work, a track on Spotify that we think another will like, funny memes etc. The serious stuff gets a phone call eg a relationship break up, news of a death etc. It works for us.

When DS2 moved out, we suggested that we meet up with him every Sunday for dinner (we always go out for dinner on a Sunday anyway, with or without the DC). I was very overt about it, saying that otherwise I felt we'd lose touch with him! It worked for us because he'd only moved a couple of miles away from home. Aside from that, there were occasional texts or WhatsApp messages, but that was about it.

DD (18) started uni last autumn and we text most days, just random stuff. She calls when she has time and feels like it-not that often!

I’d text and then see how it goes.

When my son left for Uni, he wasn’t great at keeping in touch, so if I hadn’t heard from him in a few days I’d text “living or dead?”. This usually got a LOL response and a quick text chat.

Now it’d just be random sports stuff as we have shared interests. Or family goings on.

I text and WhatsApp mine quite frequently and try and see him around every six weeks or so for a movie or a meal. I try not to call too often but I have figured out a good time to call him (around 7pm, just when he gets in from work) so if I haven't seem him for a while will phone now and again. Am very keen not to be a nuisance mummy!

DS is 21 and we just WhatsApp back and forth a few times per week, or he gives us a call when he fancies a chat (or wants something, but he is very adept at playing lip service to it being a chat first and foremost).

If I haven’t heard from him for a while he gets this giff as he used to love Cool Runnings and we then get a flurry or messages or a phone call.

I never want him to feel that speaking to us is a chore or a job to tick off and this works for us, we are pretty close and I feel like I know what is happening in his life and he asks our advice.

He is at uni though rather than moved out, so still comes home every few months, but not for long as he has a job in his uni city

I think DSs are not as good at keeping in touch as DD's in my own experience. I have a DS the same age who is working away and communicate by Whatsapp most days and then speak on phone every week or so, With DD at uni in touch everyday by Whatsapp and zoom every 2 or 3 days.

We use Whatsapp. The odd phone call if it's something needs an actual discussion, but otherwise I'd say 5 days out of every 7 there'll be something that one of us thinks of to send. Not long conversations, just a quick exchange.

Be guided by them. You'll know if you're over-doing it. I think better to make clear you're always there if they need you, then back off a little.

We are another WhatsApp family. Both individually and in groups with family members. We have a shared enjoyment of Taskmaster so we tend to watch that at time or broadcast and chat on WhatsApp about it as we do so.

My son is 25. We don't have a set pattern.

Sometimes we'll go for a few weeks without any contact; sometimes he'll randomly pop round for an hour or so; sometimes he stays over, arranges a night out with his younger sister (still at home); sometimes we'll chat for a couple of hours on the phone but we usually whatsapp; sometimes we go out for a beer or to a gig on Saturday night.

Just depends.

WhatsApp a couple of times a week and a phone call every month. 300 miles between us.

Thank you everyone. Very helpful. He's just left 2 days ago so there is a need to discuss things i.e. heating/water issues etc
I think as time goes on we'll get into a groove that suits us both. We have a very good relationship with him which I am so grateful for so I am positive things will fall into place. Very helpful to read peoples own experiences on this. Thanks again people. much love xx