Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Selfish Partner or is it me?

22 replies

FedUpAndUnwell · 16/01/2024 10:48

I've been in bed with covid since Friday, temp, cough, aches, thumping headache, dizziness, loss of appetite and feeling really rough. I'm immunocompromised due to medication I take so it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

Here's the thing, my temp has been up and down all weekend, I've moved into the spare room and have had a window open to try cool down. It's been no lower than - 1 degrees where we are so it's cold but not anything extreme.

My partner keeps putting the heating on and shouting at me when I ask him to put it back off. Our radiator in the spare room can't be turned off separately.

He says I'm being selfish because he's freezing but he's sitting about in boxers and a t-shirt so to me he could put on more clothes. He says he was too cold to sleep last night but again, he was sleeping in the main bedroom with a blanket instead of the duvet. We also have tons of hot water bottles (he doesn't like them) and blankets. It would be easier for him to heat up than it has been for me to cool down.

He's now decided he's going to his mums if I won't let him have the heating on all day. I said fine on you go, I'm going for a bath to try feel better and he's started going on about me being selfish for that too, what if he wants the toilet when I'm in the bath?

IS this me being selfish?

He knows I'm on medication that lowers my immune system but he never believes that means anything. He's not even checked to see how I feel once this weekend. I was so dizzy last night I had to hold the wall to get to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

Am I in the wrong here or is not wanting the heating on when my temp has been up and down all weekend and wanting a bath (partly cos I'm still dizzy so a shower isn't great) too much to ask?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 16/01/2024 10:51

He’s being a completely selfish ridiculous immature dickhead.

He should get dressed and stop acting like a child

Namerequired · 16/01/2024 11:04

I have said both as I think having the window open so much is a lot in this weather. There are other ways to cool down. However he could compromise by not putting the heat on, then the heater off in your room or if you can adjust it on different floors? He should also put on clothes and try to warm up other ways to a decent comfort level.
Re the bath he is 100% in the wrong. Go to the toilet beforehand fgs, he’s being ridiculous.
If he gets the illness I wonder how he will act.

Fidgety31 · 16/01/2024 11:36

Any not just turn the radiator off in your room ? You can’t expect him go be freezing because you are unwell .!

Pinkbonbon · 16/01/2024 11:39

He's shown you he doesn't care when you are ill. Everything else asside he can't even hit that bare minimum. Tell him to go to his mums, and not come back.

highlo · 16/01/2024 11:40

Selfish dickhead

Opentooffers · 16/01/2024 11:52

I've had covid at same time as you, turned a corner today though, probably as not immunosuppressed. I found it was more a cycle of hot and cold. Cold and shivery when waking up in the morning as temperature high, but after paracetamol to bring it down, flinging the covers off.
Can you take paracetamol? Try it if not done - I needed it for the headaches and also ibuprofen for body aches.
Could you shut the door and have the window open? Your DH is indeed selfish and at the same time wasteful, who in this day and age sits around at home in minimal clothing with heating on all day? Your fuel bill must be very high, and no care fore the environment either.
Wouldn't even make you a cup of tea? Has he offered you any food?
It would not surprise me if he's found an excuse to go because his scivvy is out of action and he's too lazy and entitled to do anything himself.
Still, now you have clear knowledge of what he's like. Up to you what you do about it.

ronoi · 16/01/2024 11:55

Why don't you go back to the bedroom, turn the radiator off and let him sleep in the spare room.

You are being ridiculous to expect the hearing to be off in this weather.

FedUpAndUnwell · 16/01/2024 12:02

ronoi · 16/01/2024 11:55

Why don't you go back to the bedroom, turn the radiator off and let him sleep in the spare room.

You are being ridiculous to expect the hearing to be off in this weather.

He wont sleep in the spare room as it's a single bed, he thinks it's uncomfortable and the spare room doesn't have a tv.

I'd agree I was being ridiculous IF he wasn't sitting about in boxers and a tshirt.

OP posts:
FedUpAndUnwell · 16/01/2024 12:05

Fidgety31 · 16/01/2024 11:36

Any not just turn the radiator off in your room ? You can’t expect him go be freezing because you are unwell .!

The radiator in the spare room doesn't turn off, there's no dial or whatever you call it. Just two capped ends.

My point is he can warm up if he chooses by wearing more than boxers and a short sleeve tshirt (not even socks or slippers) but he doesn't see why he should.

OP posts:
Wimpeyspread · 16/01/2024 12:05

Well he is clearly no useful addition to your life so I should see him off to his mum’s sharpish. Who are all these people who have the heating on at night? Blankets are cheaper

brainworms · 16/01/2024 12:06

If he was fully clothed and wrapped up whilst complaining about being cold, that world be one thing, but he isn't. He's sitting around in boxers and a t-shirt which means he's not only wasting money on heating, he's being a whiny little prick.

Let him go to his mum's because he's clearly still a fucking child.

TinyYellow · 16/01/2024 12:08

You can’t expect someone to have no heating on when it’s zero degrees outside, even if you are poorly. Being in a freezing house won’t help you get better.

FedUpAndUnwell · 16/01/2024 12:12

Opentooffers · 16/01/2024 11:52

I've had covid at same time as you, turned a corner today though, probably as not immunosuppressed. I found it was more a cycle of hot and cold. Cold and shivery when waking up in the morning as temperature high, but after paracetamol to bring it down, flinging the covers off.
Can you take paracetamol? Try it if not done - I needed it for the headaches and also ibuprofen for body aches.
Could you shut the door and have the window open? Your DH is indeed selfish and at the same time wasteful, who in this day and age sits around at home in minimal clothing with heating on all day? Your fuel bill must be very high, and no care fore the environment either.
Wouldn't even make you a cup of tea? Has he offered you any food?
It would not surprise me if he's found an excuse to go because his scivvy is out of action and he's too lazy and entitled to do anything himself.
Still, now you have clear knowledge of what he's like. Up to you what you do about it.

I've been taking paracetamol and ibuprofen since Friday. It works for a bit then doesn't.

I've been in the spare room since Friday with the door closed and window opened a bit to try cool down. This room is opposite end of the flat from the main bedroom and we've got draught excluders on all the doors so I don't think it's affecting the rest of the flat.

Nope, no offer of making me food or drink or even a simple 'how are you feeling?'.

Given everything else, I'm thinking him going to his mum's might be a longterm solution. 16 years together and he can't even feign an interest in how I'm doing.

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 16/01/2024 12:12

Tell him to get dressed!! Would he wear shorts and a t shirt if he went outside?

Have you got a fan you could put in your room?

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 16/01/2024 12:15

What if he needs the toilet while your in the bath? Wtf? 😂

Sorry but he sounds like a complete child!

FedUpAndUnwell · 16/01/2024 12:16

Thanks everyone. I think this weekend has flagged up issues I've been trying not to notice so I'll deal with that once I feel better.

OP posts:
TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 16/01/2024 12:41

I'm just adding my voice to everyone who thinks he's an arsehole.

I'm sorry, aside from the heating thing (you are not unreasonable btw), he is completely horrible for not even getting you food and drink or worrying about you.

Let this one go.

Tinkerbyebye · 16/01/2024 13:02

Fidgety31 · 16/01/2024 11:36

Any not just turn the radiator off in your room ? You can’t expect him go be freezing because you are unwell .!

@Fidgety31

read the post

Flopsythebunny · 16/01/2024 13:03

Fidgety31 · 16/01/2024 11:36

Any not just turn the radiator off in your room ? You can’t expect him go be freezing because you are unwell .!

Can't you read?

SamW98 · 16/01/2024 13:07

Fidgety31 · 16/01/2024 11:36

Any not just turn the radiator off in your room ? You can’t expect him go be freezing because you are unwell .!

He could actually bother to get dressed then

JustExistingNotLiving · 16/01/2024 13:35

You are in your room, door closed, it’s not going to have a huge impact on the flat’s temperature.
His issue is more that you asked him not to put the heating on. I’d be cold too BUT I’m wearing a oodie and have a thick duvet in bed, not a blanket.

If it’s normal for him to be in tshirt and boxer as well as sleep with a blanket rather than warm duvet, then I think he needs to review his ‘habits’ in general. The heating must be costing you a fortune.

Namerequired · 16/01/2024 14:45

Well I already thought he was an a**hole but your updates confirmed it. Hope you feel better soon

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread