Court hearing tomorrow..scared.

[Sharletonz]

Have a pre trial hearing tomorrow. Final hearing follows shortly after in a few weeks.

Feel so sick.

This is the culmination of 4 years of our daughters life spent in proceedings.

I largely do not object to the recommendations made so far concerning her father which are several rounds of work he has to undertake before contact can progress.

I object to unsupervised contact as there have been massive findings made against him that he's abusive.

The whole thing makes me feel sick and terrified.

@Sharletonz As in physically abusive, with clear evidence?

The family courts system is such a scary thing to have to face - I hope everything goes really well for you.

I guess there is a massive history there. Nevertheless, I just want to offer a handhold, and I am sending my best wishes to you and your daughter!

I'm hoping everything goes the way you want and need for your daughter and you tomorrow. X

Yes. Physically, mentally, emotionally abusive to me. Clear evidence..

Quite a significant finding made against him that he was Physically and emotionally abusive towards DD.

He's only ever had supervised contact for the duration of proceedings...

Cafcass are keen to move it out of the contact centre because he's cried a lot and said sorry etc.

I appreciate that DD enjoys her contact and I've taken her to every single session.

I hope it goes okay for you and your daughter x

@Sharletonz In that case I am certain all will go well for you ❤️
As for Cafcass, don't get me started. Huge father bias at play, often regardless of anything else.

I don't know. Its just a directions hearing today. The father is trying to get the final hearing adjourned as he doesn't agree with the recommendations.

So anxious at the moment.

O god I feel you pain! I've been in court many many times.
Remember you have done it before and it's only a directions hearing. Do you have a cafcass officer or a cafcass guardian? I found our cafcass guardian amazing. The end result was the correct result.

@Sharletonz How did it go?

Bit mixed.

Cafcass seem intent on progressing contact and for the second time don't agree with the experts recommendations. I question what the point is.

@Sharletonz It is so hard - I feel for you 💐
Cafcass devastated my life so I know they don't always understand the reality of the situation regarding abusive ex-partners and child contract/custody.
You just need to always remember that YOU are acting in the best interests of your child and stay strong, even when things go against you both xx

@LorlieS do you mind sharing what happened in your case x

@Sharletonz Of course. Very long story short...
In 2014 I left ex-husband for the safety of that and my boys who were 3 and 6 at the time. The marriage had been incredibly abusive in every way except physical. I was horrifically controlled; banned from seeing family and friends, money was taken from me, given curfews and locked out if after them; just the very tip of the iceberg. I was repeatedly told I was worthless and that I should give up my job (because I was "shit at that too").
I was so frightened and intimidated for many years but not quite brave enough to leave because I knew the consequences. I knew I would be punished.
I asked my ex when things got really bad if he'd go to marriage counselling with me. He replied that if I ever dared to leave him I would lose everything, including the children.
He was right.
With the support of Cafcass who fully accepted the bullshit - and I quote - that he was "Father of The Year", custody went 50/50.
For about 8 years.
Life was hard - I had to work more hours as a primary teacher to survive in damp privately rented whilst he continued with his affluent lifestyle - but we got by. We flourished.
He didn't like that.
A few years' ago (during the pandemic and when my daughter with my now husband was just five days old) he took me back to court yet again for majority custody. He had brainwashed and scared the boys so much over the years they had no choice but to say exactly what it is he wanted.
He won.
I see one son just every other Weds - Mon and even less with my other son - just EOW.
I've had counselling but will never fully be at peace with what the family courts did to us.
I have very dark days where I think my boys would be better off with me entirely gone from their lives so they are not having to deal with this behaviour from their narcissistic father.
If it wasn't for my husband and little girl I can hand on heart say I wouldn't be here now to tell my tale ♥️