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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

One minute friendly the next minute icy cold

4 replies

Jammylou · 15/01/2024 19:35

I have a friend (was I believed once) who often is nice to me one minute, then icy cold the next.
This is a work colleague as well.
Dropped me like a hot potato, we were once very close, ignored me for months then when we started working together in the same office again suddenly became friendly again. Then suddenly goes ice cold. Almost snubbing me.
The trouble is I know what she's like she has a history of it apparently with work colleagues.
I think she likely wants to know me when it suits. Like always on her terms.
The problem is I keeping falling for this and feel I am making a fool of myself.
Why am I allowing this. What does it say about me when I can't put my own boundaries in place and just distance myself.
I can't work out why I've been so gullible and keep going back for more and get taken in to think she wants to know me.
How should I deal with her. Any advice?

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 15/01/2024 19:58

I think now you've seen her for what she is you will find it easier to change.

No one wants to admit their friend is not being nice, we all give people the benefit of the doubt until the penny finally drops.

MaggieNextDoor · 15/01/2024 20:01

Be courteous but not overly friendly. You know she's not a very nice person so don't engage with her anymore than you have to for work.

Jammylou · 15/01/2024 20:08

I felt awful today as she has been quite friendly with me lately so I messaged her on Teams and was being quite jokey about something she had said, next thing I knew she said Im busy with stuff got to go, then marked herself as busy on teams.
Thing is she's one of these spends hours chatting to people on Teams (used to me before) so I knew it was yet another snub/excuse.
She's done that to me before.
I personally think she is a mind F.
My husband has been telling me for ages to steer well clear.
I'm annoyed at myself for falling for it again.

OP posts:
Pinkdressinggownbelt · 15/01/2024 20:39

I’m like your friend. I can put on a friendly bubbly chatty persona, then run out of juice and have to switch off completely for days, sometimes weeks, months. It’s not something I can control, I have started to tell people about this , to let them know I get overwhelmed, and it’s not that I don’t like them anymore, or have found new friends/ interest etc

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