So disappointed

[Woodstuck]

DH went to meet friends on Saturday, didn’t come home. Claimed the next day that he had crashed with his parents as they live closer. Still didn’t come home until late. To be honest I knew that something was off as soon as I got the text about staying with his parents.
He came clean this morning and seemed devastated at himself. Full bender, can’t remember everything in all detail but thinks that it was bad. I knew that this was a bender before he even admitted to it. It’s not the first but it’s been such a long time and I really thought this shit was behind us. I’m so disappointed, and so sad. Somehow I’m not even angry, just sad.
He’s gone to his parents for now (this time I know he is there), but I feel sad just looking at all the stuff he has forgotten to take with him, as usual.
I can’t even tell my family because they will call me an idiot, and I’m sure my PIL are disappointed themselves. I love him but this has really broken me now. I wish I could be angry and I don’t know why I am
not…just so sad.

Full bender, can’t remember everything in all detail but thinks that it was bad.
I don't understand. He went out with his mates and got drunk and stayed out? Or something else?

What do you (he) mean by bad?

What did he do on this bender? Dod he stop at his patents, sounds unlikely. How often has he been this inconsiderate and risked everything? Does he have an issue with alcohol?

Is he an alcoholic or drug user in recovery? And he has broken his sobriety by going on this bender?

More context needed, op.

This needs more context op. Has he got addiction issues?

Yes drug issues in the past and in recovery. Or not in recovery any more. It’s just been years since he has done something like this and now he threw it all away. Sorry I thought it had been clear from my OP but realise now that it hadn’t been.

It’s not your fault and you aren’t an idiot. He is.
Small comfort but at least he came clean. Sending you a big hug.

He fell off the wagon and eventually was candid about it. I honestly think that you could see your way to forgiving this (with provisos, of course). It isn’t at all good that he lied about staying with family but if he’s truly remorseful about this part, I think there’s a way forward OP. He must put the work in though.

I also reckon that this group of friends sound irresponsible, assuming they know about his addiction issues, and should be quietly dropped. It’s not their fault - he is responsible - but he needs good friends who have his back.

He can’t remember everything? How very convenient for him..
Good luck whatever you do but this would be the end of the road for me.