40th Birthday Celebration

[Jonty1234]

My wife and I both celebrate our 40th’s this year and I have tried to lay out a really special year such as holidays, breaks, events, experiences etc. etc.

My actual birthday is on Friday and I asked what she had planned for the day (I had to ask as my family wanted to organise popping over at some point.)
She said that she had booked a lunch out in Manchester and that was it.

I can’t help be really disappointed.

Every month I organise lunch somewhere nice so how is this different?
No problem for money or time and every year I make a big deal out of her birthday.

When I expressed my disappointment she just lost it and said I was being ungrateful.

i don’t know if I’m actually more disappointed that I predicted there was going to be little effort.

Am I missing something or being unreasonable?

No, but are there other issues going on before this? I was disappointed with the effort my partner made but it was symptomatic of other problems ie being a workaholic not arsed about me

Could she have planned a surprise and is playing it down?

Definitely no surprise.

To be honest she puts zero effort into the relationship which is why I knew there would be little here. I suppose I just hoped that I was going to be wrong.

What's wrong with Manchester?

Nothing…we go all the time.

Sounds like it’s more than the birthday then Jonty

Well that's the back story that explains why it is an issue.

If she thinks the only issue is that a meal out in Manchester isn't enough fuss for a birthday then in isolation it could look ungrateful. You need to address the bigger issue

She puts zero effort into your relationship in general?

ie in no aspect or way does she show care for you???

if so your marriage isn’t in a good place which explains the lack of effort iyswim

in terms of dinner I’d plan my own day and book a restaurant I was dying to go to or just loved and a theatre or event or a day trip to a good spa hotel or something

if I was going on a fancy holiday I wouldn’t expect a big fanfare but then we aren’t that sort… some people are…

I think focus on setting yourself up for success and an enjoyable day..:

Can't you both organise something between you?.
Myself and my ex celebrated our 40th same year.. we both planned a weekend in Dublin.
A meal with friends.
A week abroad and we went to see Boyzone ( yes was 25 years ago lol).
We decided on an amount each for a suprise present for each other.
I do hope she has a suprise planned.. but your planned events are for both of you.. try and enjoy them together.. and Happy Birthday when it arrives.

This could be a dealbreaker because it exposes the neglect already present in your relationship.

It’s probably the final thing in a long line. Been through it too. It’s not just the bday. What’s your plan @Jonty1234 has it felt like this for a long time or was there anything that started the issues?