Dating a new guy. He is a cuddly sleeper and I need my space!

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

Just that really. Dating a new guy, and spent the night together for the first time and then he cuddled up… and stayed there. I can’t sleep like that, at all. We had a cuddle and then I scooted off, and he followed along and cuddled round. I told him I get very warm so can’t sleep like that and he went to his side but once he fell asleep, he rolled back over and wrapped an arm round me. I woke him with my fidgeting and he loved away again, but when he fell asleep he rolled back over to me again.

He’s doing it when asleep so it isn’t his fault, but I cannot sleep like that and I was awake for most of the night. Far too hot in a strange bed with someone wrapped around me. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but if it’s something he can’t stop then I don’t know how to handle it!

I had the same. My lovely BF used to do this I just gently removed him each time and now he doesn't do it anymore. I kinda miss it now!

It feels so bad to try and shimmy out or remove him. Like I’m saying, “Thanks for the sex now get away!” But I don’t mean it badly.
Going to have to talk to him and let him know that I’ll roll him gently away if he does it and hope I don’t come across as cold.

I totally get you. I love my own space in bed and I can’t sheep if im being cuddled. My last partner took it really personally but I’ve always been same

I can’t sleep like that either, I feel trapped and hot. Just be totally upfront, don’t apologise though, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just different sleeping styles. He’ll know you enough now to know you’re not “cold”.

I haven’t dated much in the last 10 years. Single parent for a decade and only started dating again a year ago, and only a few guys so I’m really out of practice with this stuff. It seems really simple and a total non-issue but I’m just out of practice.

I wouldn't like that either! I like absolute stillness and isolation or I can't sleep. I find it very difficult to sleep if there is another person in the room, let alone in the bed! 🤣

I had one like this too, l need my space and can't sleep if restricted by a limpet! Just explain you cant sleep that way but will look forward to a cuddle in the morning. If he can't stop himself maybe put a pillow between you as a barrier?

I'm the same and find it easier to cuddle my husband than to be cuddled, for some reason. It feels less hot and claustrophobic? I only do this for a short time, he's quick to fall asleep and I turn over when I've had enough and need to lie another way.
I see no reason not to just talk about it, most people would understand once explained it's not personal and try a few methods?

I'm like you. I think we're the unusual ones as it seems a lot of people like cuddling to sleep, but I can't even really share a bed.

You're going to have to talk to him gently but firmly. I did this when I moved in with DP and I think he felt a little hurt at first, but soon realised how much better we both sleep.

It may be a dealbreaker for some people but hopefully not for him!

Just be honest with him op say that you really appreciate the fact he wants to cuddle but it's making you feel closed in and it feels uncomfortable.im sure if he's decent he will understand and respect this.

I am the same as you. I think my DP was a little hurt at first but he seems to have adjusted and to accept it now. I put up with some cuddling in the beginning, but we have transitioned away from that now. It wasn't immediate.

You could talk to him or go for Joey's fail save of the cuddle and roll (it worked wonders for Ross 😁)

Fart in his face.

Pillow barrier and two duvets so you can have one each. Not in a mean way - if he’s a nice caring man he should agree to whatever works to help you both sleep. I mean he’s been single presumably, so doesn’t need to glom onto you and can sleep without that.

Different horses for different courses. As others have said, sex followed by rolling over and going to sleep would be a massive red flag for some... others like their space.

As always, communication. Quick hug and roll over :)

This is what keeps me very happily single. I can't stand the thought of being cuddled (I even hate the work, it gives me the ick!) in bed. You need to tell him. The last relationship I was in we had separate bedrooms which worked perfectly for me.

@jellybe came on to say the same… surely hug and roll in the way forward here?!

Let him know ahead of next going to bed, in good humour when youre not knackered that you love the hugs but can't sleep like that, nothing personal to him, so can you cuddle and then sleep apart. He will get used to it. My DP and I are fine (I was the limpet but detached pretty quickly!). If he comes back your way, remind him verbally. This seemed to stick with me better than poor DP trying to gently push me off without feeling mean as it didn't really register.

Communicate that this will be happening from the next night you stay over.

If I'm drifting off in cuddle mode he will go 'sleeping positions!' in a sergeant majory voice so it's just become an in-joke.

Don't apologise, let him know it's just how you are, and keep reminding him. It doesn't need to be a problem, just be open about your needs and a bit patient if he involuntarily tries to hug you at night. It's cute that he wants to but your sleep is the main thing!

I was going to say this! ‘Hug for him… ro-o-o-ll for you!’

DH is much more of a cuddler than me. We have a compromise that he gets a cuddle, then he lets go so I can fall asleep in peace, then if he cuddles up again during the night in our sleep I don’t mind.

I don’t know if I can roll him! He spoons me, and is bigger than me so the most I can do is push him onto his back… and he pops back up with his arm round like a weeble who won’t back down!

I’ll need to have the chat, nicely, because I need sleep. And it isn’t his fault when he is doing it whilst asleep but I’ll have to wake him to shift him maybe. I was so excited too because he has a superking bed and I thought I’d have an amazing sleep! Instead, ended up stuck on the edge trying to avoid the hugs 😂.