How was your first meeting with your in-laws?

[Echobelly]

I came across a very old post (nearly 20 years!) online where I was referring to having recently had a first meeting with the people who would become my in-laws when I went for dinner at their house.

It did not go well.

I am a talker, and FIL, who is very quiet, found me too much. Most people think I sound fairly well-spoken but MIL is very judgemental and found me 'common'-sounding and thought I was getting ideas above my station with now-DH, even though we come from exactly the same kind of background. I know now she is someone who likes to be 'impressed' by people or 'charmed' by very specific behaviours. But unfortunately I didn't have, to her mind an impressive (read: private) education or job either, and I didn't fit her idea of a confident, socially-assertive person. A few months into our relationship, she was still trying to push him towards a private-educated girl she knew who had a City job 😅

I was both devastated and to some extent annoyed for quite some time - I'm a person who gets on with people and I didn't know what to do with someone I had to deal with who didn't like me, and I was also annoyed at her assumption I was in any way socially inferior to DH. I spent too long obsessing over how I could get her to see I was actually quite a good catch, thanks very much.

In the end it was mostly solved by us getting engaged, they accepted me at that point. I have also learned she blows hot and cold with everyone, so although I have been in the doghouse with her (usually for not reading her mind for some social rule only she adheres to) she has also said that DH did well in choosing me. I try to see the best in people and we get on most of the time, and I have learned to accept that, while she can be ridiculous in what she expects of people some of the times, and other points she does have a point and I can take it on board.

First time I met DH's mother she treated me like Myra Hindley. She couldn't get past the fact that I am 8 months older than him (kept writing him letters referring to "that older woman", calling me harlot etc). She also hated the fact that I was studying history rather than a STEM subject, said history was a "dropkick subject" and that I clearly had no ambition. She thawed a little when the children were born, but that wore off when she realised she wasn't going to dictate how they were raised or where they went to school.

She has a "proper" little grandson now from one of her other sons, they are doing parenting right - he goes to prep school and is learning Latin and has a private maths tutor. So she sees even less of mine than she did previously, which was once a year when she would grill them about their studies, angst about their teeth (they both have an overbite like me) and criticise their manners.

TLDR: She was horrible when I met her, and she's still horrible.

I bet mine will top this.

Met my XB's mother after we'd been dating for 2 years. He told me he was estranged from his mother due to her being selfish. We went to drop his grandmother to his mother's house and I got to 'meet' her.

She was completely naked, covered in blood, walking around her house mumbling nonsense and carrying a hammer that she was breaking up flowerpots with (hence the blood from cuts on her feet). My XB stood in a corner and did nothing, the grandmother didn't know what to do so I tried to help the poor woman. Called an ambulance and her GP who told me she wasn't suffering mania but had a brain condition that had obviously flared up somehow.
I ended up catching her as she fell down the stairs. And when the ambulance came, because she said no repeatedly they wouldn't take her to be seen to. It was a complete s#+*show.

XB obviously blamed his mother for his bad upbringing despite it not really being her fault per se. He was sadly quite damaged and our relationship didn't last as his default was to withdraw. But I doubt I'll ever forget that meeting in a hurry.

They made up lies about me.

It set the tone and we now no longer speak.

My life is a happier place. Awful, awful people.

My now Mil knew I had been dating her DS for about 4 months and she knew I had DC from my previous marriage so I was a bit worried she might not like that. I was nervous. I had no need to be. She was lovely right from the first time I met her. She asked about my job and the ages of my DC and she told me she'd like to meet them. She met my 2 DS's about 3 months later but my DD was at Uni so she didn't meet her until we got engaged. She told her son he was making a wise choice in asking me to marry him and said she could see I had brought my DC up well, which almost made me cry because both DS's have ADHD and could be a bit loud but each time they'd met my now Mil they had behaved. My Fil said very little as he was always quiet but when we got engaged he said he was pleased his DS was getting married to me. They have always been the best in-laws. They've taken my 2 x DS who were only 7 and 15 for a week on holiday every summer. They live by the seaside so my son's loved going and FiL took a week off work and drove them.all around the place. Mil cooked their favourite foods and spoiled them and my youngest sometimes said he wanted to stay longer.

My dad's parents practically disinherited him during the first year he was with my mum - despite the fact he was totally the one who pursued her, they were convinced that my mum, a penniless refugee who wasn't even 'properly' Jewish, was a gold-digger after their son. She was also a hippy who went around with flowers in her hair, bare feet and rather see through tops with no bra underneath so that didn't impress them much either!

My mum reckons they came round to her once she gave them grandchildren though.

They were so lovely. I met them when I was already pregnant. Dh was 39 and they'd given up hope of grandchildren. He also had MH problems and had been working very hard to try and marry someone for several years before I showed up. They were 100% family people and very accepting. I remember my FIL turning as I came through the door and throwing his arms open to me.

Dh is dead now and MIL has advanced dementia. FIL is still lovely.

Awful because staggered, so a new person kept arriving and we’d have nearly the same conversation, but good because they’re funny and crazy and were excited and welcoming

Awful.

It was like an out of body experience and I remember wanting to extract myself from my MIL’s presence.

My first instincts weren’t far out. She was and still is quite a bitter lady and very emotionally unintelligent.

The first time I met my dh’s mum I had went back to their house with dh after the pub, I was drunk and fell in his room and cleared everything that was sitting on his drawers which woke his mum and she came running through to his room to see what the noise was. Mortified!

I officially met her a few weeks later (when I was sober )and she was lovely and friendly. Nothing ever mentioned about that night 😂😂

I walked in, she said hello and tried to hand me a hot drink, I reached for it and somehow knocked it all over her floor. We both looked at the puddle, I got the giggles and couldn’t talk for a little while. She stared at me. It wasn’t the first impression I would have chosen.

Despite that, she seemed thrilled that her son had finally brought a girl home, she couldn’t marry him off to me fast enough, she was eager for grandchildren I guess.

Lol, when I first met my partner's parents:
His dad " xcdtyhn jgtu"
Me "sorry, what?"
" xbcft hggyuu"
What?
"Dg dvcf bffy"
Looks at BF as can't ask a third time, at which point he translated for me.
All English, just my ears needed acclimatising to his DF's strong accent initially. I got it quickly and don't have an issue to understand anyone from that region anymore. His DM was easier, she was Welsh. I still chuckle when I think of that firs moment. They didn't hold it against me though, we got on well.

My uncle used to tell the story of when he first met his in laws. The dog bit him and he jumped over the sofa and bit it back. He was a complete nutter though.

I tried for 15 years to get in laws to like me. I thought they did at first, telling people I was the daughter they never had, despite saying the same about the other girlfriend they couldn't stand! At that point I knew they were full of it but kept trying!!

They obviously favoured their other son (who is a rude, selfish oaf) ergo preferred his kids, wife etc despite her being very dull and not saying anything!

I was the opposite and tried to be chatty etc but I was shushed in favor of the sons. Tried so hard for years, don't know how I did it really, nothing I did was interesting or good enough to hear, in their minds.it made me very sad.

Looking back I am still resentful if I am honest but revenge is sweet. They went bankrupt and the show off house that I had to go to and shut up, sit up and listen in for years, has long gone! 😁

Precisely what happened with Rachel and Joshua's parents in Friends 😂

My partner (then bf) didn't tell me I was going to meet his mother and we had just been on a very muddy windy dog walk wearing my waterproofs and scruffy wax jacket when he took me to their house to drop his dogs off and she ignored me, later found out she asked why he was with "that trashy girl" from his lovely sister despite having stumbled into her in a scruffy dressing gown eating crisps and watching Jeremy Kyle 😱
His father's side is very well off, I have a regional accent and I'm a bit common and don't hide it and she always tried very hard to hide her thick geordie accent and talk like her husband so I think she didn't like that I reminded her of what she used to be, still don't really like her or SIL but FIL is lovely.

My ex MIL was literally the best ever. Sadly she's died I loved her and she loved me. Fast forward to my new MIL. I thought history would repeat itself. How wrong I was. The thing that strikes me about our first meeting was an apology that DP was not up to standard. DP is the family scape goat and nothing he does is good enough. It's funny as his brother is a junkie who can do no wrong but DP is tainted in her eyes and so therefore am I. I cut contact after a she shouted at me in the street. An argument caused by the golden child brother's cocaine use. I refused to engage. I've still encouraged her relationship with DP behind the scenes as I feel that's healthiest for him.