Long one so get comfy.
Been with H not DH just H for 13 years, married for 7. I had my son now almost 16 from a previous relationship, have another son together 10.
Over time H has become a vile, horrid person. Seems to have gone from 0-100 since we got married and escalated past couple of years. He constantly picks fault with everything, I mean a straw wrapper could be laying around and he will have to comment and speak about it to the kids- more so my oldest son, for 10 minutes.
He doesn't accept a simple answer like "oh I forgot to bin it" etc, it gets turned into some sort of debate and it's just all bloody ridiculous.
The kids are amazing, lovely manners, do well at school, no bother ever been brought the house. Will help with chores. Just generally damn good kids. H brushes past all that, and searches for something negative to say all the time!! It's like he's adamant he has to find a fault.
I've spoken to him a million times about how I feel he's picking up on daft things and bypassing all the good. His response now is to shriek like a mad man, he's never wrong, he's thinks he's always right, he's now saying I favour oldest DS over Younger one, which is total shite.
Every time he speaks to oldest child I am feeling I need to defend because I don't think it's normal to loose the plot like he does over every tiny thing. He's no where near as bad with youngest DS.
My point is that he shouldn't lose it like he does with any of us, especially the children. But he doesn't see anything wrong in how he acts. And when I speak up, it turns into a huge argument and "I'm in the wrong" and he will go days of totally ignoring me.
I want to leave, I really want to leave and have a relaxed life, not walking on eggshells if one of the kids haven't emptied their school bag.
My son is taking his exams in a few months time so I can't uproot the children just yet. But I'm squirrelling money away to make sure I have the funds for when we can go.
Another thing he now does which disgusts me is that he comments on everyone, weight shaming people or making vile racist remarks. Most of the time it's to me but I know oldest DS has heard him too on the odd occasion. H will make the vile remark and laugh, I've told him till I'm blue in the face that I find it disgusting and he should hang his head in shame. Or better still, go tell the person he's calling, see what happens then.
I know for a fact he's a huge narcissist and I feel he hid it well for many years, his sister is a horrid person too. They both IMO bully their parents, he will back them into a corner with words until they agree with him, he shouts at his mum and dad for the tiniest things too, but they will apologise at the drop of a hat, do what he says and not batter an eyelid. They all feel it's normal while I'm screaming inside that it's insane!!!
His mum has told me on many occasions that at 12 he ruled the roost, did as he pleased and they had zero control over him, no they didn't because he controlled them and still does. And that's what he wants to do with me and the children.
Of which, I won't allow!!!!