How to ask him if he's still seeing others ?

[calderdale]

I've been dating a guy for 9 weeks now, everything has been good, daily communication, date once a week etc this week he is going away for nearly 4 weeks, we will have contact by phone but I'm guessing will be more sporadic due to time difference. I'm at a point where I'm very keen on him and I really do think the feeling's mutual but I kind of want to ask the question of if he's still dating other etc before he goes away just so I can manage my expectations over the next month.

After 9 weeks is it ok to ask this question and how can I ask/word it without being to much?

I had exactly this dilemma with my now boyfriend, he went away on a family holiday for a couple of weeks and I wanted to know where we stood. We had only had three dates but I still thought it was ok to ask! I just said something like, "by the way, just so I know, while you're away are you expecting or wanting me to go on dates with anyone else, or...?" It seemed to do the trick and he said he wanted to be exclusive, was eight months ago now so it can't have put him off too much! I think it's best to just be upfront, and definitely after a couple of months as in your case.

After 9 weeks I think it seems perfectly reasonable to ask the question !

What rules are we meant to refer to?

If you want to know, you need to ask. If that's 'too much' for him, then you're not compatible. This isn't about 'getting it right according to his judgment', it's about respecting how you feel. Unless you want a relationship where his approval is more important than you getting what you want/need?

Thank you I just feel like a want a bit of clarity before he goes to check he's on the same page

oh I chatted to the guy I'm seeing (just a bit longer than you) about this before I had sex with him! I think it's really reasonable to chat about this at 9 weeks.

I'm old and it still astonishes me that we have to have these conversations - I'm pretty sure it used to be assumed you were exclusive pretty much straight from the off.

I'd have asked sooner to be honest. I find it's best to be direct with things like this so both parties know exactly where they stand and it takes away any possible misinterpretation.

I'd just ask him directly, say you've been really enjoying spending time with him and you're at the stage where you're not really interested in seeing anyone else and you wondered where he was at and if he was still dating other people.

After nine weeks definitely you have a right to ask
Sometimes people just assume and never have these conversations, maybe he assumed ye were exclusive

9 weeks is definately not too early, I always used to ask after first having sex, because I don't share my lover with other women.

I've got no advice for how to word it so that it doesn't seem too much though. I just used to make it clear I don't share.

I will ask tonight, I'm think I will just say something like

(I just wanted to ask before you go away if your still meeting/talking to other people)

And see what his answer is

You could phase it "I just wanted to ask before you go away if we're exclusive or whether we are still dating other people, what are your thoughts here?"

Perhaps word it as a personal statement and then ask a question - I am really enjoying getting to know you and I am not seeing/speaking to anyone else, where are you at?

I think this is a great way to ask about it. My now DH and I had this convo around 10 weeks into dating and it was a natural relaxed conversation about where we are at and heading towards.

If he says no then you kinda just have !

Yes, ask from the position of "is this offer enough for me?" rather than feeling defeated you're not what who he is going to commit to.

I dated too many men who had no fear of losing me.

Obviously you don't want to date somebody who is insecure /scared of losing you, but he should have the awareness that you have a standard that indecision and having an eye out elsewhere could fail to reach. He will either care or he won't care.

F