I don't think there's much I can do here but am interested in other people's experience. A friend was in a longterm, terrible relationship with an emotionally abusive and controlling man who I'm pretty sure is a covert narcissist (disclaimer - I'm not an expert etc, but it seems to fit).
It's all very long but she EVENTUALLY broke up with him, but it was messy and hard. His behaviour was appalling - never quite got violent but was close. He's He's unreliable and flakey and continued to find ways to abuse/control her for a long time after they broke up, even after he moved out.
He's now homeless and jobless and she felt obligated to let him move back in while he got himself sorted. Needless to say, he has not so much as applied for a job - he barely gets out of bed, doesn't spend time with the DC and of course, is not engaging with any of the help and solutions she has tried to support him with.
But somehow, she still thinks he will change. Her latest is that she's given him a final deadline to move out and he will definitely do it by then. But we all know he won't. Just like we've been right, in advance, about every other terrible thing he 's done that has, every single time, blindsided her and come totally out of the blue for her. I have dozens of examples.
If you've been in a situation like this, was there anything anyone said or did that finally made the scales fall from your eyes? I understand she wants to believe things will be better, but what will make her finally see the world as it is, vs the way she wants it? Is there ANYTHING anyone can say/do to stop her being constantly surprised and disappointed? Especially as in the meantime, she's losing friends and seems to be falling out with her family too.