Hi Mumsnet!
Firstly I apologise for the massive wall of text I’m about to unleash but I need to get this off my chest.
For background,me and my partner have been together for 2 and a half years and we have a beautiful 16 month old son together. For context our relationship has always been up and down and we have always managed to work things out and move forward however the past couple of months I noticed a HUGE change in my partners behaviour.
It first started off as him being distant and low and when I asked him why he told me it was due to witnessing the trauma of me almost dying from sepsis after having my gall bladder removed. I gave him some time and I thought he will be back to normal however this was not the case.
It then proceeded to him being snappy over small things and then came the name calling, the gaslighting, the shouting, the swearing and throwing things at me/towards something. Anything and I mean anything triggered into an argument and he blamed me for everything. He would say ‘I caused him to blow up’ ‘ it’s all your fault then I got blamed for his supposed sex addiction. The list is endless.
The house that we live in is owned by his parents as they bought it for us but it will shortly be transferred into his name. Only he has access to our sons savings account and he is now demanding I pay all of my sons child benefit to him to he can use it towards buying our son food. For reference he makes way way more than I do at my job and I do the shopping anyway.
He’s also always belittling me and saying how I’m not confident and how I need more Independence etc..
However today takes the biscuit, I got a text today from my friend asking if me and my son would like to come over for a play date. I replied with yes thank you I will be round in 20 minutes. I then told my partner this and he blew into a rage saying ‘no you can’t go you don’t know what infections their kids might have and your just going to bring them home’ I replied with ‘don’t think like that the risk of that is little as she hasn’t said anything about her kids being unwell’ (my partner has very very bad health anxiety)
He then said ‘if you take our son there we are over’ I said ‘ok’ as I have heard this threat lots of times in the past and he’s seems to be using it more and more.
He then told me ‘ we are taking our son to my parents house’ I knew why he said this and tagged along and to also keep the peace. He had apparently text his dad to say we were coming to drop our son off as me and her are arguing.
In the car he was very very rude, verbally abusive and said some very mean and hurtful things and he was also recording my reaction to the things he was saying without my knowledge (I guess to incriminate me)
When we got to his parents house, his mum came down to sort things out whilst our son was in another room with his grandad.
Just a side note - his mum has always been very supportive and has offered me to come and stay with her if things are getting to much with him as she doesn’t want to see me and her grandson homeless. She had also said she would deny my parter access to our son if that’s how he’s going to treat us etc
However today she blew a different tune as she said ‘your not staying here and if your thinking of leaving you must have a plan’ ‘you need to have a plan’ my partner was blaming me as usual, telling his mum it’s all my fault we argue and I was in tears explaining this is not the case and then I get told I’m crying crocodile tears.
He was threatening to take our son off me because I’m not standing on my own 2 feet and I’m not responsible (NOT TRUE I DO EVERYTHING FOR OUR SON)
The conversation took us nowhere and we dropped our son off and left to go home. Since being home the environment has been toxic and hostile and now I’m worried that i will have no where to go if he was to kick me out. I’ve lost all hope in his parents ever helping me and I’m just so upset
Just need a hand hold and a hug :(